Thursday, September 10, 2009

Of terribly awful music videos

Being cooped up home on a Thursday ‘cause of the flu has me teed off for several reasons:

1. A day off work normally = a free day spent gallivanting in and around town. My spirit is willing but thy aching, flu-ravaged flesh is screaming no

2. Our local TV stations scrapped morning cartoons which = no apt entertainment to jumpstart my mind (Looney tunes, KND, Aladdin, Batman, Sponge bob & x-men; you’re still loved and greatly missed)

3. Last night I failed to arm myself with any rental movies= ill prepared to bum out. So I’m going through my DVD collection to see which TV show I can do a marathon re-run of without falling asleep…it’s a yummy tie between ‘Deadwood’, ‘Gossip girl’ and ‘how I met your mother’

So I flip through channels as I try to figure out which of the 03 shows will be just right and pause at Kiss TV; a channel I have been strategically avoiding since it first came on air. Don’t get me wrong, I wish them all the best. I really do, but playing music videos for 24 hours is my idea of bringing hell to the living room…which brings to my attention (again) something I’m eternally puzzling over: why are most hip hop vids so dreadful?

First off, there’s the appalling imagery; is there some commandment that states “Thou shall not shoot music vids without some almost naked ladies in it…lots of almost naked ladies…who have to act like they’re fawning over some guy, and the acting has to be really terrible?”

And oh, note how while the video ladies are in string bikinis or something similar (even without a water body in sight) the guys are in oversized clothes.

I go like “Aren’t those girls freezing?!”

Sometimes I wish they’d at least pretend to be drinking something nasty (say, like cham). Coz then I can nod in understanding & mumble “Ahhh, they’ve gone & drunk themselves silly. That totally explains why they lost their clothes!”

FYI, you’ll never see the men in Speedos and fleeting shots of bare chests (of the male persuasion that is) is the smuttiest video male models/dancers will ever get….and even such shots are rare.

Then some of the lyrics leave me genuinely stumped; I get it, you’ve made it. You’re rolling in the good stuff. But seriously, is it really necessary to belt out chest-thumping 03 minute songs solely dedicated to: the big house you own; the nice car (don’t forget to add an extra line swooning over the rims) and detailed accounts of trysts you’ve had with gorgeous women?!

Last time I checked affluence doesn’t scream for attention nor does a gentleman kiss and tell. It’s just down right tacky.

And oh, that crap about putting a cap in someone’s arse or physically assaulting someone is way too crazy for me to even try & wrap my logic around it…

I guess it shouldn’t bug me much (I simply switch channels as per kawa no?) except Kenyan teenagers look up to these guys so much, like they’re gods or something...and you’ll see these videos everywhere from pubs to mats. Come on guys, if what they sing is what they are all about, then we definitely can be way cooler than they are…They've got no imagination no?

Picture this;
if you bragged about your wealth like that in Kenya, you're begging thugs to happily help themselves to some of it. Shoot off your mouth about your one night stands & brawls or how you wekad someone ngeta and folks will just look at you like you’re an idiotic, juvenile sociopath at best…

On a bright note:
The upside to watching such bad videos is that it makes you appreciate the genuinely good ones.

Special mention goes to 02 songs whose videos and lyrics not only made me laugh but they had my attention:
Bongo la biashara –Jua Cali and a guy called Meja (that’s his name, yes?)
Niko poa- by ‘Meja’

I’m sure there are more good ones that I’ve not had the pleasure of viewing yet (feel free to recommend some).

Now back to my dilemma; will it be:

Oh so deliciously sexy Gossip girl OR Brilliantly lawless Deadwood OR the eternally funny Bernie & co?

Methinks ‘how I met your mother’ is what the Doc would’ve prescribed.

Mob wendos,


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