Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Clande culture

Move over clutch bag and sexy peep toes.
Clandes are all the rage now (that stupid Mohawk hair style is a close second). Even our local FM radio stations are cashing in on it sounding a touch like hawkers bellowing "Ni ya leo!...Bei ya jioni ni ya leo!". If you're married and not doing it, you're not with it. It's the quick fix 'solution' to every marital problem. Why get off your arse & try to make it work when you can simply slap the clande band aid over those pesky relationship flaws & wounds?

She drools when sleeping? Get a clande...
He's gotten pudgy, sloppy & snores in bed? Get a clande...
He's become a broke arse & she doesn't look as hot? What you waiting for? Get a clande!
Your partner's gotten side tracked with the routine that is life? Get a clande...

Aaaand the circus continues to thrill & amaze with lots of clowns enthusiastically jumping in...

Clandes are not just about falling into temptation. Nope, take it a notch down; clandes are all about careful planning & allocating resources as you perfect the art of deceit on someone who's supposed to have your back; A 'loved' one. (I'd love to see what they do to enemies). It's that selfish, calculated and below the belt.

I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, if true-blue friendship was a mandatory requirement in marriage, then maybe it would make a difference in the statistics. Perhaps as friends, maybe one would care enough to try to make it work, and the respect you have for each other would make you pause as you contemplate putting your foot over that line and you'd have the comfort of knowing, even if it doesn't work, you gave it your best shot...but how practical would friendship be when:
Many women believe a man= security, the fear of being alone haunts the dreams of many, marriage is perceived to= status, we live in a society where the worth of a woman is not that much, and where some women do not see themselves as complete if their name is not preceded with a Mrs...

Then again, what would this girl know when she's merely on the outside, looking in?

Here's some food for thought in the form of a poem by Charles Bukowski

Alone with everybody:
The flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind in there
and sometimes a soul,
and the women break vases against the walls,
and the men drink too much.
and nobody finds the one but keep looking
crawling in and out of beds.

Flesh covers the bone
and the flesh searches for more than flesh

There's no chance at all:
we are all trapped by a singular fate.

Nobody ever finds the one.

The city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the grave yards fill

Nothing else fills

Have a fab week, beautiful people.

Mob wendos,


PS: speaking of things in fashion this season; I'm i seeing my own things, or is there an unusually large number of pregnant young women in town? Hell, you wouldn't even know there's a recession on. Why get Manolos & Jimmy Choos when you can simply get a baby right?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The one without a title (a k a, my brain's numb from TV watching much)

I'm i the only one who gets irritated with the put-me-to-sleep entertainment reviews on our local dailies? You pore over them and you're still left puzzled as to whether you should watch the show/movie or give it a pass. It's almost like the authors were given the type of punishment where you have to write 101 lines like we used to in school.
(OK, so we never got such a punishment in school, but sometimes i wish we had coz it sure beats chopping firewood no?) I just wish they wrote with feeling; like they actually watched it (hint: if you're a guy who can't stand desperate housewives, give it to someone who can at least give us a fair picture of what to expect) instead of sounding like they just copy & paste blurbs...

BUT to be fair, they get paid for it so they HAVE to do it, which automatically becomes a buzz kill...sooo, since we'll still be major broke arses this weekend, and staying home is the most pocket friendly entertainment option, I've decided to jot down a few of my recommendations for the weekend....

# 1. Deadwood: season 1,2,3 (A collector' s item in my books)
This is not only one of my all time fave shows, but it is also one of the dirtiest and most brilliantly written.
This western drama series is set in the lawless town of deadwood during the gold rush era. The corruption, politics, shady alliances and power play disturbingly remind me of present day Kenya, except we Kenyans have better personal hygiene and worry too much what people think.
The profanity (used liberally & with gusto) will leave your jaw on the floor and the characters, who range from the vile to the quirky are all unforgettable.

2 reasons why i love this show so much?

2. The plot's tight and the dialogue is sheer poetry. You're left feeling like you're watching a wild west version of a Shakespearean play (that is if Shakespeare wrote it psyched and spectacularly drunk to his eye balls) ; the showdowns between Al Swearengen (chief villain) and the Sheriff are just as dramatic and the antics of characters like calamity Jane (the town drunk) and Mr. Wu (a businessman who doesn't speak English but juas 01 lovely English swear word...and no, it doesn't start with an F) will leave you in stitches.

And my # 1 reason? One Al Swearengen: This guy takes hustling up to a whole new level. He's ruthless, highly intelligent and cunning, so much so, you find yourself grudgingly respecting & rooting for him. And why shouldn't you when he's constantly & deftly delivering
(in vicious tones) philosophies like:

"...pain or damage don't end the world, or despair or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man-and give some back!"

Do I hear a liquid hallelujah everyone?

2. How i met your mother: season 1-5 (Also a collector's item)
Want to burst a gut laughing? this is your show. Why? because it is, simply put, LEGEN....
waaaait for it...DARY!!!

# 3. Gossip girl: season 1,2,3
Fact: This is a show based on the YA book series (which i read & in my opinion, the show is sassier than the books) by the same name about a mysterious blogger who updates us on the lives of ridiculously rich, private school attending teens. (yes, the butch side in me nearly rolled my eyes at this, but its surprisingly entertaining, so don't be too quick to judge the book by its cover)

Fact: The show is a guilty pleasure teen drama (& way cooler than the adult soaps) so you're not supposed to take it too seriously. Hell, that's the whole point of guilty pleasure entertainment!!!!

Yes, i LOVE it. And yes, these teens drink, smoke, shag, manipulate, bully, and generally behave badly -yet they're still smart enough to care about not becoming losers with trust funds. The beauty of it is, It's a show that doesn't talk down to teens (i still remember how i used to hate that); it's awesomely sassy and hilariously over the top.

But why I'm I hooked to it? Because of Chuck Bass
& Blair Waldorf. The 02 are superbly the nastiest, most manipulative self absorbed snobs currently on TV. Remember 48 laws of power?

Go right to law # 15: "Crush your enemy totally."

These two kids live by this law and i admit I love to watch them wreck havoc from the safety of my couch...their one redeeming quality? With Chuck & Blair as your friends, you don't need an army.

Warning: Parents will froth at the mouth over this one. But before they get into that first dry heave, let me play devil's advocate by reminding them teens have been behaving badly looong before there was gossip girl. And right now, you've got kids who lack the imagination, passion, discipline and drive to paint & realize their dreams in a world that is harsh and unforgiving. So yeah, you got bigger problems than teen shows.

Honorable mention (s): For those who love addictive, fast, no-nonsense ass-kicking, shoot 'em up kind of suspense dramas, i highly recommend
24....and there's a clock ticking...

And if you love the supernatural & the deliciously bizarre, do sample True blood. I'm currently eating up each and every episode.

But please don't just take my word for it... after all, I've been known to watch TV after having one or two (maybe three-ish?) highly suspect sippy sippies....

Mob wendos,


PS: Sesame street turned 40 yrs this month. Now that's a classic. I still love this show, and i salute KBC for introducing me to it coz it was the most creative education/entertainment combo show for kids i ever watched. I not only recommend it to kids, I'll watch it with the kids.