Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Something peevish this way comes.

Right now I'm so wishing I had the ability to dramatically swoop into a room in the form of a cloud of black smoke or sic TV's Damon Salvatore on some annoying individuals...

Now that be a lovely vision wouldn't you agree?

Yes, I've been having a couple of sucky days lately and it has me all surly. I just can't seem to get into the rhythm of things and I hate that feeling because it just slows me down when there is living to be done. Worse, I'm currently unable to write anything, be it on the blog or anywhere else. And no, I'm not about to put you to sleep with the depressing details. So this week, whilst playing the hermit, I've lined up nightly twenty minute sessions with my fave geeks of Big Bang Theory as therapy. Solitude and laughter always seem to work beautiful magic on me so it should do the trick...it better do the trick. Speaking of which, allow me to share with you the below smile-inducing forward; dropped in my office in-box this morning for Nyambura's reading pleasure.

What Airport gate attendants think of you and your thought process:

PASSENGER- A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called 'line'. This line has no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are of four known species: Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus and Paxus ignoramus.

NO RECORD- Any passenger booked through a travel agency.

GROUP- A large loud pack of passengers (see passenger) traveling together. The group leader, who has the tickets, usually waits in the bar until the required pre-board time of five minutes before departure, or until there are no seats left altogether, whichever occurs last. Reservation agents are prohibited from pre-assigning seats to groups as this may convenience them.

CARRY ON BAG- An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow managed to fit under the passenger's seat on the inbound flight. Regardless of what the passenger says, the following are not acceptable as carry-on items: bicycles, steamer trunks, refrigerators, truck tires, or wide screen projection TVs.

SIGN- An Airport decoration. Usually unnoticed; except by small children. Its primary function is to hide the location of various areas of the Airport, i.e. gate numbers, restrooms, baggage claim etc.

NON-REVENUE POSITION- Usually can be identified by the fact that these passengers are in first class and are dressed in pilot or flight attendant uniforms. Non-revenue positions are permitted to fly first class free of charge to prevent revenue passengers from being able to pay first class passenger charges.

POSITION CLOSED- This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which when interpreted by the passenger says, 'Form line here'.

BAGGAGE CLAIM- The most difficult area of the Airport to find. It is usually hidden by numerous signs saying, 'Baggage Claim Area'.

FLIGHT SCHEDULE- An entertaining work of paperback fiction.

ON TIME- An obscure term, meaning unknown.

FOG- A natural weather phenomenon that usually occurs around an Airport while the surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by Airlines and is used to delay flights.

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL- A game played by Airline pilots and Air traffic controllers. The game has no rules, and neither side knows how it is played but the goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time for passengers to make connecting flights.

TICKET AGENT- A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding ability of an Australian sheep dog, the ESP abilities of Uri Geller, the compassion of a psychoanalyst, and the tact of a diplomat. They have mysterious abilities to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all other weather phenomena. They are capable of answering three questions at one time while talking on phone, and without stuttering or choking on their tongue.

All those impatiently waiting (like yours truly) for Rango and I am number four to grace our local big screens say, Aye!

Thank you. Now back to work beautiful people.

Mob wendos,