Monday, October 12, 2009

Yes dear, the devil is in the details

I’ve never been so happy at the sight of unexpected rain (and on a Friday night) like I was on Friday. I was beyond ecstatic, then I had to spoil it by getting into a mat that had its windows jammed shut and got assaulted by hair-raising body odors that rival and topped those of a rained on he-goat. My civility poof’d and I wrinkled my nose as I gave the culprits the evil eye (yes, they were more than one. All jamaas)

I don’t get it; what is it about the basic concept of taking a shower/bath (sponge baths included) that is so hard to grasp? It’s not hard guys, really. You can do it and all you need is water and a piece of panga soap as the bare essentials. And here’s a great motivation; a great smelling dude scores major cool points with the ladies (just don’t gas everyone to death by dousing yourself in cologne)

So repeat after me:

Thou shall not be hygienically challenged

Thou shall not be hygienically challenged

So help us God, thou shall not be hygienically challenged…


Speaking of great smelling dudes, that very same Friday was sleep over night with the girls. And it was a great night except for a few date stories that had me wincing and laughing at every syllable. The below get special mention:

Tale # 1: Girl goes out on a date where the guy’s contribution to the conversation sounds like a combination of a CV to the HR and his net worth report to KRA.

Moral of this story: I’m not sure if he was being a show-off, but he came out sounding like one. And it was veeery annoying

Tale # 2: Guy asks girl out for a date. So they check their schedules and they agree Sunday would be a great day; except he goes on to add a tiny detail that it will be DURING his golfing session. Girl gapes at him and suddenly remembers she has other didn’t happen

Moral of this story: Guys, its ok even healthy to love sports. Just don’t blatantly show her that’s what’s top on your priority list on your first date. And yes, this also applies to guys who take their dates to a sports bar and make sure they have a great view of the giant screen so they won’t miss the big game.

Tale # 3: Girl is over moon that this rudge dude she’s known for a while is finally asking her out. He’s got the hot bod, and he can hold an interesting conversation…sounds like the makings of a great date right? Wrong.

Guy orders a drink for her BEFORE asking her what she drinks and it turned out to be a drink she doesn’t take. Then he sulks at the end of the evening when she announces she’s going to her digs. Alone.

Good thing, she had cab money to take herself home coz jock boy suddenly had a problem with driving her home…to date, she’s still trying to pretend the evening never happened.

Moral of this story: Where do I even start?

-This date should have been over the minute he ‘ordered’ her drink. Just ‘coz jocks seem cool doesn’t mean they’re actually cool. Give the kawa guy a chance. He may pleasantly surprise you

-A pompous self-absorbed arse is just that; a pompous self-absorbed arse.

-Smart girls DO carry enough money for the cab home and to pick up the check should he turn out to be the date from hell

Tale # 3: Guy who kept spitting as they made their way from the parking lot to the club… let’s combine this with the storo of the guy with terrible table etiquette

Moral of this story: Ewwww….ew… ew (Enough said)

Ok, so chivalry is supposed to be dead and instant gratification all the rage. But it pays to make an effort. And please do your homework. The devil after all, is in the details. And there are great guys who are getting it right, so it’s not impossible.

Saturday late afternoon: when most people were headed for the MAMAs (Kasarani looked really awesome yes?), I decided to have some grub and grog with the boys. And I came away with bits of wisdom that went something like this:

1. Ladies, the freeze n shine outfit may look hot in front of the mirror, but once you step out in the chilly weather without a jacket your level of intelligence instantly becomes highly questionable…same applies to walking in shoes that give your face the pinched look or make you wobble, or wearing a mini only to keep tagging at it in public…

2. It is possible for guys over 28 to engage in an outrageously hilarious ten minute discussion about farts (disturbing but true….and they had not even opened their 3rd beer)

3. When you’re drinking with the boys and want to go home, DO NOT announce you’re leaving. Just go home (as discreetly as possible). Announcing is a buzz-kill of sorts that the boys will immediately rectify by sweet talking or arm twisting you into having one more beer.

4. There is no such thing as one more beer.

Disturbing images of the week that was:

#1: On prime time news; the slow-mo replay of that kid ducking as an out-of-control rally car flew over his head. It had me shouting OMG! OMG! (In kyuk)

# 2: Still on prime time news: A Pastor & his adulterous accomplice handcuffed and being escorted to the cop station. In the nude.

# 3: A huffing and puffing Nyambura attempting to prepare for the stanchart 10k run (ahem:walk) ….I’m still not sure how I got talked into that one

Hope your weekend was just as legendary.

Hera Mangeny, (as my buds of the dholuo persuasion would put it)


PS: All those lining up at a cinema near you to watch “Inglourious Basterds” say “Ay”

Yep, another offering from Tarantino (anyone who’s watched pulp fiction will understand why I’m obsessing) ….and don’t you just love the way Basterds rolls off your tongue? I’m in love with the word…Say, what if I said it with a Tanzanian accent…hmmm

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