"Hip hip chin chin & a blessed Easter"

Club Des Beluga's Hip hip chin chin is currently playing in my head and it just won't stop. You should see me do my thing; In my mind's eye no one can samba with the tushie stuck to a chair like i do. Hell, I'm actually enjoying working on a cold, wet Thursday morning...
A difficult client wants to send dastardly e-mails in red, caps & with lots of heart stopping exclamation marks? breathe...count to ten (without swearing)...hip hip chin chin...and smile.
A colleague wants to be a tool to a point of tempting me into giving her the evil eye? Just hip hip chin chin, Nyamz.

Why?

'Coz today is technically a Friday and not just your kawa Friday; we're talking of a Friday that will be followed by four days of no work, no school, no mandatory routines. OK, so I'll be working on one of those days, but I've still got three days of endless possibilities yes?

Speaking of endless possibilities, should the rains lock you indoors, do not despair or sulk. Here are some deliciously addictive samplings to accompany the hot chocolates, herbal teas, Irish coffees, khat, vodkas & brandies:

Sons of Anarchy: Some years back, i turned to and counted on Deadwood & Sopranos to take care of my appetite for addictive, nicely executed, bad ass entertainment. With both TV shows gone, i now rely on Sons of Anarchy (thanks R for dishin' it out to me). This is a show about an outlaw motorcycle club (the phrase alone has my BP shooting up by several mm Hg's) whose members are a brotherhood that is into some serious gun running and it has me hooked. Their women are just as bad ass (case in point: in one of the episodes, their matriarch, calmly picks up a skateboard, walks up to her hubby's one night stand & slams it into her face in broad daylight!) and oh, you get to feast your eyes & imagination on lots & lots of Harleys too. Need I say more?

Grey's Anatomy: So it's not exactly a new show. But i previously avoided it simply because i was tired of watching yet another medical drama. Except Grey's, is not just another medical drama and It has all the fun ingredients; A pinch of humor here & there? check. well-written dialogue, delivered just as brilliantly? check. Story lines that keep me coming back for more? check. A female lead who's strong, flawed & vulnerable? check (Meredith). Ballsy female characters that you're terrified of but hopelessly in love with? check (Cristina & Dr. Bailey a.ka The Nazi). A bad boy who makes your toes curl? check (Dr. McSteamy). Characters you love to roll your eyes at? check (George & Izzy). And of course, there's that male character (read: Dr. McDreamy) that makes the bitchiest, most hardened of us swoon. Also as a bonus, the show's got great tunes you'd want on your i pod (especially if you're into sampling cool tunes that hardly ever get main stream radio airplay). What more could a girl ask for, from 40 minutes of solid entertainment?

Vampire diaries: When they announced they'd make a Vamp show based on LJ Smith's books...i got all iffy. Don't get me wrong, the books (I've read The awakening, the struggle, the fury & the reunion) are way more sumptuous than the twilight saga. But the thing is, I'm already in love with the gloriously nutty True blood. So sampling a vamp show of the teen variety sounded more like asking someone to try the green salad when they've already sunk their teeth into nice nyam chom. BUT I'm happy to report this show ain't no green salad. The storyline is engrossing, fast paced and peppered with the creepy crawlies & cool tunes in all the right places. Elena can hold her own against nasty vampires & the other characters (the human ones, that is) are just as interesting. Then there is Damon...now that's a deliciously terrifying guy. And deliciously terrifying is goooood.

NB: For those who are into supernatural shows & think True blood is too far-out a vamp show, then vampire diaries is the vamp show for you.

***

Also try out the below book (but not while under the influence of khat or any alcoholic sippy sippies...trust me on this one)

-The Outsiders by S E Hinton: A beautifully moving story about the turf wars between two rival groups; The Greasers (the have nots) and The Socs (the haves), narrated in first person by Pony boy, a 14 yr old greaser. The book may be a YA (young adult) classic, but the book's timeless themes of friendship, hope & of social classes and the destruction such small minded distinctions bring to a society will be appreciated by older readers. For those who are into quick reads, you'll love this book 'coz the story is not tediously woven. This is a must-have on one's book shelf.


OK, back to work. Have a fab & blessed Easter all...hip hip chin chin...


Mob wendos,


Nyambura

Here's my two cents on Makmende

Never underestimate the value of chilling out, my lovely people.

I'm back from my 11 day time off (ahem, time out) -where i was forbidden from thinking about bills, work, chores, medical check ups for 264 hours...human contact was optional. And all i can say is, it was beauuutiful (pronounced with a Scottish accent to better emphasize the awesomeness of it all)...

...and even at that far off realm i was vacationing in, one Makmende still found me there, like this:

Makmende goes after Hitler: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMoxdtchLLs

There is no escaping this guy. The first time i watched the Ha he vid was totally by accident (the song's funky beats kinda jump out at you when you're flipping channels). And yes, it tickled me silly (still does). But i didn't think it would talk up a storm the way it has. Hell, they're even doing prime time news features on it...

The one thing everyone regardless of age can appreciate is that the video sucks us into the forgotten world of childhood memories. And that's what makes it such a hit. For yours truly, it reminds me that before Jack Bauer, there was Rambo, Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris & Cynthia Rothrock. And we worshiped these guys coz they were soooo bad ass. Fight scenes would be re-enacted in the hood (no play station back then)...and of course, there was always that one bugger who was into conjuring up his inner Chuck Norris begging everyone to make his day...meanwhile i would be thoroughly miffed 'coz girls couldn't join in on most of the cool, boys only fun stuff (fyi, being a girl majorly sucked for me; i hated dolls coz they seriously creeped me out; i sucked at bladder, Kati was fun but playing cops n robbers? now THAT was sweeet)...

So when the Makmende storm dies down and people move on to the next fad, the one true fact is, and will always be, the video and the song are creatively done (look at how they've fired up people's imaginations). No one can ever take that away from them. Which is why during an interview, it bothered me when Dan (one of the member's of JAB) said that they chose to reach the masses via the internet 'coz everywhere else they went they were told no one knows what to do with their music. Seriously? seriously?!! We need our very own HBO powerhouse here.

I firmly believe the imagination is the final frontier...limitless. And my philosophy on creativity has always been "LET RIP!"...throw it all against the wall and see what sticks. To try forcing creativity into a familiar box so people can feel all warm & fuzzy is just sad.

I get it, the bank account bottom line is King and people do not want to risk investing in what is not tried & tested....but what about taking calculated risks on the brilliantly unfamiliar? How many young Kenyans let their creativity & talents ebb away into oblivion simply because no one (from parents, teachers to the corporate world) is gutsy enough to believe in them; in their magic and nurture them so they can reach greater heights of awesomeness? Do we run a risk of becoming a nation that lacks imagination?

Here's some food for thought from Albert Einstein:

"Imagination is more important than Knowledge. For Knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know & understand..."

The condensed version?

"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions,"

Mob wendos,


Nyambura

" And yet I still love you, you dastardly bugger"

Stuff i wish i knew once upon a time about commuting in Nairobi:

-Rush hour gridlocks are a way of life. Don't burst a coronary or pull out your hair -no one cares that much darling. Take a deep breath, sit back and catch up on your reading. This is Kenya; you'll get there eventually so hakuna matata.

-Good general rule of thumb when choosing a seat in a mat:

a) Avoid taking the back seat, unless you enjoy absorbing the jarring shock of the mat hitting each & every pothole on the road. And yes, pot holes are such a norm we get all teary eyed if we encounter a smooth, non-pothole Kenyan road.

b) Avoid sitting directly in front of the speakers (or simply avoid mats that play loud music). It will leave you conversing with people like this:

Me: HABARI YA ASUBUHI

Office watchie: Mzuri madam. Kila kitu kiko sawa?

Me: (very perplexed) SWARA? SWARA AMETOKA WAPI?

(by this time the watchie is looking a touch alarmed) Needless to say, the conversation went downhill from here.

Note: The above dialogue took place approximately 10 minutes after I had alighted the mat.

c) Try your best to get a window seat. This way, you avoid getting offended by those who 1) spent the night at a brewery 2) Cologne dousing enthusiasts 3) Those who religiously view bathing as an optional activity

-Don't trust the Kenyan motorists: These guys are not content with helping you -the pedestrian- along to that heart attack as you cross the road. Nooooo, they have to make you pee in your pants just for kicks. You can establish eye contact with the driver all you want...he'll still barrel towards you, lights on & continuously honking like crazy. Only for him to be the tail end of a traffic jam a couple of feet away from you. Ever noticed the Kenyan pedestrian has this harassed look and is always scampering across the road even at Zebra crossings ?
Well, that's coz he just can't trust those darn motorists to stop when they are supposed to. Hell, I even had a mat driver wildly gesturing at me to stop so he could pass the zebra crossing first.

***

Spotted: nailed to a fence next to the cathedral in south B:
A warning sign reading "Kojoa hapa- upigwe fala"

Written across the side of a van driving along Uhuru highway
"Donkey users response team, mtunze punda akutunze"

I'm thinking, if the above team is meant to safe guard the welfare of donkeys all over Kenya shouldn't they call themselves The donkey response team? I'm just saying.

Intriguing advertising:
"Madam njoo hapa kwa mat ya ku-over lap! MAT YA KU-OVER LAP HAPA!!!" shouted a Kange during the morning rush hour.

You've got to give him props for aggressively selling that ma-three seat. And the words worked like magic; everyone at the bus stop rushed to the ma-three ya ku-over lap.

Eternally puzzled by this sticker stuck on the rear view mirrors of several route '46' nissan mats:

"Don't kiss the driver"

No offense, but every time i see this sticker, and look at the driver, I'm left wondering; Seriously? why would i want to kiss the driver?... Seriously.


The below was forwarded to my in-box:

...Only in Kenya:
where a debonair pizza gets to your house faster than an ambulance or the police
where people run towards gunshots and bomb blasts instead of running away
where we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well. 'Poli' in latin means 'many' and 'tics' means blood-sucking creature
where the president holds a press conference to declare the legit members of his family
where you find a zebra crossing directly below a foot bridge (fly over) on a busy highway
where a 01 litre bottle of mineral water is more expensive than a litre of diesel
where a lady asks you out on a date and expects you to settle the bill
where the music is turned off in a club 'coz guys are watching news
where trees have got nothing to do with the rain...rain just falls from the sky

And i added a few of my own bizarre observations:
-Where a minister publicly brags of diverting education funds in order to 'help' his people, and his audience of ordinary wanainchi cheers him on...

-Where excess milk is thrown into the gutters...

-Where kids as young as five accompany their paroes to the pub & entertain the adult audience (the parents included) by dancing like they see it in the music videos. These parents call it a family outing...

-Where churches make a killing by selling a handful of 'blessed' soil, 'holy' water & 'blessed' hankies to its congregation...

-Where a non-Kenyan contributes to the education of the Kenyan child while the wealthy Kenyan doesn't and won't be bothered...

***

(Sigh) And yet I still love you Kenya, you dastardly bugger you.

True, nothing works the way its supposed to; fads are all the rage; the nastiest hyena is king and we're slaves to status but i still have a fondness for the sights, sounds and the feel of this beautiful country.


Mob wendos,


Nyambura

PS: What's all the fuss about this Hellon dude? My curiosity poofed the minute i laid my eyes on all that permed hair. And someone called him a spiritual adviser? Seriously?!!!

Which reminds me; my mum once told me to be wary of men who love the mirror and use beauty products more than i do. True Story.

"Life is slippery. Here, take my hand"

The pirate code of the brethren had a stipulation that went something like this:

"Any man that falls behind is left behind,"

The old school pirates didn't pretend to team build, and they sure as hell didn't do friendship. I was reminded of 'the code' as i turned to the Pirates of the Caribbean movies (again) for comic relief last night. And yes, I'm one of those people who turn to the silver screen when things get combustion-tough...it keeps me sane and entertained. And the past couple of days sure have been stormy. Some 'friendships' were blown to smithereens, others rekindled, new alliances forged and new found respect emerged from unexpected quarters.

And no, i didn't come out smelling like roses. Life lessons were learnt though:

Like the importance of being clear on which friendships are real and those that are pizazz and sadly nothing else...

Friends who just talk up a humongous bonfire as you trip are not friends you'd want to have in your corner when shit hits the fan...

Real buds stick up for you when you're wrong and affectionately call you "Funda wewe," at sun up...

It's hard not to be pals with (or at the very least have new found respect for) an acquaintance who comes to your aid when he/she really didn't have to...or wasn't even asked to...

It is precious to realize and pray, that though your true-blue pals would walk to the ends of the earth and back for you, you'd never make them.

FYI: The pirate code of the brethren doesn't historically exist. Now that's a relief to us wretched souls who are prone to falling behind don't you think?

Most scary weekend encounter to date: This one has to go to the Sunday Nation piece (on 07th Feb) written by one Gitau Warigi. Dude pats Mr. Zuma on the back for keeping it real, then takes a swipe at President Obama for voicing his concerns about the government of Uganda wanting to legally execute its gay community (who, fyi, Gitau merrily calls serial sodomists). While Gitau is happily frothing at the mouth (he even gives us the quick lowdown on Obama Snr's exploits) he seems to forget the one glaring fact is, no one is shouting, "Death to Polygamists! Philanderers! and real scum of the earth!" ...Wow, sir, bet you gave yourself a hearty pat on the back for writing such an enlightening piece, didn't you sir?

Don't you all wish we'd take on issues like children's rights, health care, education and the environment with the same feverish gusto we seem to approach bedroom matters and all that's smutty?

Mr. Ayub Juma Mwakesi: Now this is a man we could learn a life lesson or two from no?

Coolest print ad to date: Orange's Valentine's Airtime ad that quips, "We can't give you the courage, but we can give you the time," Simple, to the point and it makes you smile.


Have a beautiful week all,


Mob wendos,


Nyambura

PS: Indulge me as i quote from one of my fave children's books:

From "The house at Pooh Corner" by A.A Milne

"Pooh, promise me you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I am a hundred."
Pooh thought for a little.
"How old shall I be then?"
"Ninety-nine."

Pooh nodded. "I promise," he said.

"The trick, is to keep breathing "

A dedication to friends who are facing crappy times & those with the never-give-up spirit we draw inspiration from...

Sometimes, just sometimes, life gets to be so tough and so bad you can feel its weight on your shoulders and it almost makes your knees buckle. So i pray and sometimes I'll even call up a friend who i know will tell me to 'kaza rasa'. But almost always, i find myself muttering the below compilation of words like a mantra as i dig in and plow on.


"In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title.

Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads.

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all.

Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desire can be won.

It exists.It is real. It is possible. It is yours" from Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

***

"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the Bludgeoning of chance
my head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. - Invictus by William Ernest Henley

***

Aaaand finally, i turn to laughter; comfort food for the soul, dished out by the best of them.

"...Seriously. Jesus started the whole 'wait three days' thing. He waited THREE days to come back to life. It was perfect!
If he had only waited ONE day, alot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up?! I DIED yesterday!" and then they'd be all, "Uhh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, & how it was a miracle, & then the dude would be like "Uhh oookay, whatever you say bro..."

And he's not gonna come back on a SATURDAY. Everyone's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the exact right number of days, THREE.

Plus, it's a SUNDAY, so everyone's in church already, they're all in there "Oh no, Jesus is DEAD," then BAM! He bursts thro' the back door, runs up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. Three days. We wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait..true story..." Barney, in How i met your mother


....Suddenly, the world doesn't seem so blue; and that's the power of words ladies & gentlemen.


Mob wendos,


Nyambura

"Just Imagine..."

Ok, we could discuss the demerits of the 8-4-4 system till the cows come home so let's not.

But do humor me for a second & wonder; what if...just what if Kenyan Parents went the extra mile to nurture and encourage their kids to: be thinkers, creative, not shy away from hard work, appreciate cultural diversity & have a sense of responsibility towards community & the environment even if (or especially because) the 8-4-4 curriculum does not have these as its core requirements...


Now paint up a vivid world where reflective thinking, creativity, action, service & tolerance are part of the lifestyle of the Kenyan individual big or small...

...just imagine...

Speaking of imagination, last night i stumbled across some pretty awesome (not to mention) sexy 'you can do anything with your hair' ghd hair ads. Their depiction of Cinderella & red riding hood as sexy, self assured beauties was cool enough. Not to mention the two had some to-die-for kick-arse boots. But what had me grinning were the accompanying captions below:

"Cinderella's a beauty, her hair all a-curl,
no need of a prince for this stunning young girl,
she's saying goodbye to glass slippers forever,
And running away with a bloke dressed in leather"

Ok, so maybe the last bit would make my mum faint...


And my absolute fave:

"Little red riding hood, neither timid nor shy
whilst straightening her locks, a wolf she did spy
but far from fainting or running a fever,
she started to laugh and pulled out a cleaver"

And yes, there's the dead wolf in the background :-)


Don't you all just love Orange's imaginary street footie Tv commercial? I do.


Observation of the week: My sister vicky's take on Lil Wayne and i quote: "Hmmm...he'd make the perfect Kenyan kange"

Mob wendos,


Nyambura

PS:Currently reading: The picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde & Ink heart by Cornelia Franke

Currently watching & loving: Grey's Anatomy, Tru Blood & Vampire diaries.

Loved & added to my play list: "Down" by Jason Walker; "Try sleeping with a broken heart" by Alicia Keys; "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez

"Are you there God? It's me, Nyamz"

Spiritually, I'm what you'd call a drifter; a wanderer of sorts. If you were being polite that is. You know, the kind that has set aside three Sundays in a month as sleep-in days (stepping out in daylight is optional), has probably broken-or attempted to break-half of the commandments, says bedtime prayers 'coz they feel strangely comforting and with a plan to cultivate a better relationship with God but just haven't gotten round to working on it.

Key word here being God. Not religion.

Now religion, leaves me a touch uneasy. It's been behind wars waged in the name of God, our history books are full of them. Hell, we're still at it. Religion had been used to bully, oppress and justify the lynching of those perceived by society as 'piss-poor morally' (I thought we left the judging to God no?). Put all the religions of the world together and you've got a spectacular tower of babel where everyone's shoving & seriously arse whooping the other because their way is right...

Yet despite the confusion and ugliness, i still want to know God & experience his wowness. But can i find him without religion?

Yesterday, a friend posed to me an interesting belief; you can only know God if you know Christ, anything else is just white noise. Fair enough, he believes in something and it's great. It made me wonder though. I have friends of different religious faiths and though we never pretend to understand each others beliefs, we do respect & appreciate the fact that we're all trying to find God in our own way. And the one thing we have in common is that we know there is God. We can feel his presence around us. We marvel at the everyday miracles and gifts he presents us. And some of us, even go as far as striving to immerse ourselves in the experience of his awesomeness.So, does their relationship with him amount to nothing if they don't know him through Christ? Surely, his love and grace unifies and transcends creed, tribe, gender and race...because he is the ultimate...because he is that great...

...He's got to be...i really, truly, deeply believe that....

I've got to...after all, I'm the girl who is: catholic but can't remember how to say her Hail Marys, is prone to fornicate, visit a cathedral only coz i enjoy the inner peace it gives me, swear and down a couple of tots with the intent to disturb public peace...you know, a spiritual drifter. If you were being polite that is.

And if he turns out not to be THAT great ....well, I'm basically fucked and so going to hell.


Mob wendos,


Nyambura