Nyambura's Diary

"And the vegetables got their comeuppance..."

2012-01-30T21:24:00.000-08:00

"May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead." An Irish toast.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, aptly describes my attitude towards healthy eating.
I've always been aware of the fact that my eating habits are abysmal and yet I'll cheekily cross my fingers hoping to get away with it. I skip meals, believe coffee belongs to an essential food group, think meal planning is only done when cooking for more than one person, pick at fruits and I not only shudder at the sight of vegetables (and any other drab looking must-haves on the nutritionist's bible), but also ante it up a notch by giving said veggies the flip off.

Stupid. I know. Yet I do it anyway.

The problem with cozying up to nasty habits is that eventually they will turn around and bite you in the ass. Which is what happened to me. I was suddenly sluggish and sickish ALOT. I couldn't even enjoy my own company anymore. The Doc sternly went on to let me know that it was going to get worse real fast if I didn't take the recommended dietary and lifestyle changes seriously this time round...
The suckage just had to go. I decided later on, as I popped nasty tasting, foul-smelling pills into my mouth. And so, for the last thirty-two days, I've been planning my meals like a good girl, cut down on my coffee intake (although I admit I occasionally falter by sneaking in a few extra sips), taking my daily portion of fruits, veggies and even eating an assortment of bizarre looking grains & nuts I christened 'bird food'...

You know, just working at letting go of bad habits a day at a time.

The funny bit is, this whole healthy eating experience is not as depressing as I initially feared it would be. I still get to spice it all up. And my relationship with vegetables? Well, we may not be tight, but we now have an understanding and it feels great. The pep in my step is back and so is the twinkle in my eye. The real challenge, I feel, is working at it til it feels as easy as breathing...

Other January What-nots: This has also been the month of experiencing beautifully awesome WTH (and on occasion, I did experience the WTF) TV moments thanks to the season finales of Breaking Bad season 4, Board walk empire season 2, Sons of Anarchy season 4 and Homeland season 1. My jaw dropped several times, people. Then I quickly picked it up and went to the net to consult the snarky oracle of all things tubey.
Well, there was that and then there was discovering the hilarious Stephanie Plum novels (many thanks Frank). Stephanie Plum & Co are an absolute riot and the series has been leaving me in stitches book after book. Never imagined the lives of bounty hunters (fictional or otherwise) could be this entertaining. How on earth did it take me this long to discover Janet Evanovich?!!! I wonder...

Well, my coffee break is over. So here's to your good health, beautiful madness and pure awesomeness in 2012.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

Somewhere in the world it's read-a-book day

2011-09-06T05:50:00.000-07:00

So, I found out that today is read-a-book day...

Don't think a lot of people in this corner of the world know that (or particularly care) which leaves me a little sad 'coz books are so much fun. Anyway, one is supposed to make time for a little fun reading today. You can even make it a family affair by reading to or with your kiddies (now that ought to be an enchanting sight).

Every day is pretty much a read-a-book day for me and my fun reads have to: have lots of humor, unforgettable characters, give me a reflective peek into the human psyche, make me hold onto my pants as the tale takes me on a fantastical ride and lovingly top it off with a shot of pathos that will make my dark & twisties hooooooowl.

To honor this beeeautiful day, I've decided to let myself get all bubbly (again) over a couple of books that have me reaching out towards them and lovingly gliding my fingers along their spines every time I walk by the book case.

*The Book Thief by Markus Zusak*

"I wanted to tell the book thief many things, about beauty and brutality. But what could I tell her about those things that she didn't already know? I wanted to explain that I am constantly overestimating and underestimating the human race -that rarely do I ever simply estimate it. I wanted to ask her how the same thing could be so ugly and so glorious, and its words and stories so damning and brilliant." narrates Death, in The Book Thief.

I'll be honest. The first time I saw this book on the bestselling lists, I was a touch hesitant to try it, fearing (yes, I can be a chickeny arse) that since the book is set in Nazi Germany, it would be such a sad read, I wouldn't have the heart to finish it. Then someone told me, "But it's narrated by death. He's a little like Disc world's death and a really deep guy. You'll love him." So I got my hands on a copy and found it to be a beautiful, funny, sad, thought-provoking read...
The Book thief, is a girl called Liesel. She gets adopted by Hans Huberman (a gentle soul who ends up hiding a Jew named Max in his basement) and his potty-mouthed wife Rosa, who has an interesting way of expressing her love for Liesel.

The story evolves around Liesel's day-to-day life (that on occasion features a little stealing) as the second World war rages on...And the relationship she has with her parents, Max and other fascinating characters living on Himmel street; my absolute fave being Rudy, Leisel's best friend and hilariously crazy partner in thievery. Rudy is so obsessed with American athlete Jesse Owens, he paints himself black and runs the 100metres at the local field one night. And yes, Death moved me too, with his profound, sometimes troubling thoughts and I so hated him for the job he had set out to do...

*On Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta*

"My body becomes a raft and there's this part of me that wants just literally to go with the flow. To close my eyes and let it take me. But I know sooner or later I will have to get out, that I need to feel the earth beneath my feet, between my toes-the splinters, the bindi-eyes, the burning sensation of hot dirt, the sting of cuts, the twigs, the bites, the heat, the discomfort, the everything. I need desperately to feel it all, so when something wonderful happens, the contrast will be so massive that I will bottle the impact and keep it for the rest of my life." Taylor's thoughts in On Jellicoe Road.

I usually have trouble describing this book to my friends because it's not enough to simply tell them what the book is about. I want them to know exactly how I felt reading this book and I need the right words to do that. Words that will do it justice. For it was a beautifully intense, heart-rending read that left me all achy inside...

So I tell them it's about this cool, bad ass girl called Taylor who was abandoned as a baby on Jellicoe road and has been raised in Jellicoe school...

I tell them it's about the kids in this school having territory wars with the visiting cadets (from a millitary school in Sydney) and the kids from town (the townies). The wars have been waged for years so it's a tradition of sorts (picture being at war with your rival schools. You each have your territories -with boundaries and rules already in place- which you've fought for and laid claim to over the years & the enemy tries to invade your territory lay claim to a strategically important tree without getting caught. Kids are ambushed, kidnapped, even given a beat down and it's all pretty cool fun). And Taylor gets to be chosen as the leader of the Jellicoe kids in the territory wars...

That in between, there are these flashbacks (which are from a manuscript that Taylor finds at her mentor's house) that run parallel to Taylor's story, narrating the tragic story of five close friends, all walking wounded. Three were the only survivors of a car accident along Jellicoe road that claimed their parents. The fourth one was the boy who came riding by on a stolen bicycle and rescued them from the wreckage and a fifth who encounters them much later, becoming part of their little circle...a story that ambles along eventually interweaving itself with Taylor's story...

And then there are the deliciously swoon-worthy male characters. There is the cool & wise Chaz Santangelo, leader of the townies and the oh so beautifully flawsome Jonah Griggs; leader of the Cadets... *sigh*

Enough swooning. Do have a fab read-a-book day people.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS: Say, what fave reads shook you up inside or left you all happy as a kid, teen & as an adult? Yes, I do want to know. My to-read list needs serious updating.

The underpants conundrum: A guest post

2011-08-26T03:24:00.000-07:00

[Nyambura and Sam Buggz are having an afternoon coffee session when a teenager in loud hip hop gear struts by]

Sam: Evolution of underpants.

Nyambura: Huh?

Sam: Evolution of underpants. Proof of mankind's downfall.

Nyambura [sighing]: You're about to get into one of your flibbertigibbet rants aren't you?

Sam: Humor me for a second. In the beginning, Adam roamed the earth. His package was wild and free...experiencing a full body tan. And when I say full body, I mean-

Nyambura [Holding up her hand]: I get the picture. Move on swiftly.

Sam: OK. In those times, every bit of Adam's body was accessible to sunshine. Then Eve came along wearing an exquisite birthday suit and there was much rejoicing in the land.

Then Adam and Eve ate the fruit...

I'm guessing the convo went something like this:

Adam: *Munches fruit* This stuff is really good dear...could we get a... *Adam gets a glazed look*

Eve: Get a what, dear?

Adam: Ahem. Er...honey...your erm...lady bits are exposed.

Eve: My what? Bits? What are you...erm, Adam, you're pointing at me.

Adam: I am NOT! My hands are behind my back!

Eve: Who said anything about your hands? Is THAT (pointing) supposed to do that? I think I have a headache

And so Nyambura, some nearby leaves were quickly fashioned into the world's first designer vine undies.

Humans have a dazzling array of underthings that they have worn since the first day a prehistoric caveman sat on a sun blasted rock and got his backside blistered...or probably walked naked through a patch of poison ivy and had his...you get the picture. First, there was probably a bunny that lost its warm pelt to cover the exposed gonads of our ancestor (which, fyi, goes to prove how old Hefner really is. Hell, he can probably remember actual events that are 3,000+ years old. Playboy bunnies are carbon dated. True story). So with time, humans found positively amazing ways to cover up their nudity.

The Europeans though, treated nudity like a really dangerous concept. Especially in the early 1800s. Back then, chicks swimsuits had PETTICOATS! Apparently the sight of a well turned ankle would drive men to distraction.
Oddly enough, this is the period where flower bouquets became fashionable. That and the belief that bathing regularly was a health hazard of sorts...

What's interesting to note however, is how much smaller underwear have become over the ages. And this goes for both sexes but more so the ladies of course.

Global warming perhaps?

Possibly.

For the male population -more so the younger generation- underwear is now outwear. And not in a superman/batman underpants-over-tights super hero fashion statement kind of way.

Pause.

Did you see that? Proof of brain slowly but surely turning to mush.

Will someone please explain (using detailed diagrams) why on earth the nimrods (pictured above) would want to put their skid marked goods out for public display?
Ponder on the below and the plausible explanation for it:

This totally sheds light on the whole sagging situation...this inane ramble should probably end right about now. . .

Nyambura [Raising right eyebrow]: You think?

Sam: Love that eyebrow thing you do. Wish I could do that. Now, before I lose steam, let's have a flashback to Garden of Eden as they were serving their notice period prior to eviction.
The Setting: Adam is stepping out of a waterfall having just had a refreshing shower (probably his last in a long while).

Adam: My adorable golden fluid made by those stinging insects (he's forgotten whether he named said insect 'Bee' or was it 'hornet'...could be 'wasp'...anyhow) We will have to leave this paradise shortly. We only have time for a quick bite and then off we go...

Eve: My love, I have prepared a fitting feast. See? I even laid it out on the most fetching, over sized fig leaf I could find.
Adam: The leaf looks terribly familiar oh fruit of my eye...

Eve: Why do you think it looks familiar, my virile stallion of the plains?

Adam: Oh my surgically detached better half. That leaf was only hours ago...strategically placed on my nether region...erm...the backside to be precise. You know how that fruit gives me gas...

Eve *gags & gives him a frosty stare* [sotto voice]: There was a perfectly serviceable leaf mulch pit where that leaf should have been placed...but would you place it in the mulch pit? Oh no Mister I-name-all-the-animals, can't even put a simple LEAF into the MULCH PIT! And then you go asking God to come over for a peace meal knowing fully well I haven't a stitch to wear and do you even bother to tell me in good time that he's coming over? Noooooooo...

At which point the world's first murderous thought was conceived, later on followed through by Cain...

Underpants. They truly lead to the undoing of the world.

[Sam glances at his watch and smiles beatifically at a speechless Nyambura]: Ah...the nice people with the colorful pills are about to arrive again...

The one with the attempt at short fiction.

2011-07-20T05:27:00.000-07:00

*Heart's a mess: A secret sorrows interlude*

Every Thursday evenings, they flocked to Dusk to hear her sing.

Well, technically, they came to listen to the Swahili blues band perform its jazzy acoustic tunes. But it was Nahla-the band's lead vocalist-who held the crowd in rapt attention with her smoky, soulful voice.

Abbas came to see her...be with her and chase a feeling. He just couldn't stay away.

So he came. Every thursdays like clockwork.

"You keep that up and you'll break your neck," Abbas said, giving his boisterous friend a bemused look.

Mike was incessantly gesturing with his head at something or someone on Abbas's right. Abbas had been deliberately ignoring Mike's head tilts just to see how long he could keep it up without cricking his neck.

"Check out your three o'clock!"

Abbas shrugged and took another swig of his beer.

"Man, just have a quick look will you?"

Abbas slowly scanned the bar, taking in the now familiar setting. Dusk was a roof top lounge bar with a staggering view of Nairobi's skyline. Its banquet seating, tasteful but simple decor and dim lights gave it a warm, laid back feel. It was a sanctuary of sorts; a place where people went to in order to get lost in good music and maybe, just maybe, have their spirits soothed. It didn't hurt either that the beer was fairly priced.

His eyes flickered over to Miss Three o'clock; a beautiful lady dressed up in a dark power suit. He noted the short skirt. She met his gaze coyly and looked away exchanging a look with her girlfriend, who in turn cast a furtive glance his way before hurriedly turning back to her friend.

Abbas went back to nursing his beer.

"Well?" Mike prompted.

"Well what?"

"What do you think of her?"

Abbas was a picture of pure nonchalance. "Nice legs."

Mike swore colourfully.

Abbas laughed. He enjoyed getting a rise out of Mike. It was so unbelievably easy.

"What's your problem?"

"I have no problem."

"Nice legs?" Mike echoed incredulously. "The best you could come up with was nice legs? She's a ten!"

"In your opinion."

"Huh?"

"She's a ten, in your opinion." Abbas explained, as he signalled for the waiter.

"Why are you deliberately trying to be an ass?" Mike scowled.

That was when Abbas saw her.

Nahla was making her way towards her band mates, acknowledging a couple of hellos from several patrons. She carried her diminutive body with such an easy grace, he always found himself pausing to stare.

Mike followed his gaze. "And there sashays in my answer."

Abbas shot him a look. "Remind me again why you're here."

Mike flashed him a crooked grin. "Because I never say no to free beer. So, are you guys like back together again?"

Abbas kept his face carefully veiled. "Something like that," he murmured.

Mike regarded him thoughtfully, letting a silence stretch out between them that was only interrupted by the band's rhythmic drum beats.

Nahla took her cue from the drummer and sung the tale of Love's whispered promises; the lyrics underscored by hypnotic Arabic rhythms.

"People will always disappoint you Abbas," Nahla had once whispered to him.

She held the unwavering belief that in the end, people would break her heart. He'd vowed to himself that he'd prove her wrong, convince her to stop running scared and try to fix that secret part within her that felt broken. And by God he had tried. When things had been good between them, they had been magical. For when her fingers were not hovering over the panic switch, Nahla was compassionate, playful, clever and a solid friend.

Flash forward to one and a half years later, Abbas finally stopped; too darn tired to move. Tired of trying, tired of hoping and waiting for the day she would finally have faith in him and their relationship.

Soul weary, he'd broken it off with her. He still loved her but it was the sensible thing to do. So he walked away.

Except a month after the break up, he came to Dusk one Thursday evening to check up on her, make sure she was going to be okay. He ended up taking her home and staying the night.

"One for old time's sake," He had reassured himself.

Riiight.

And so he came. Every thursdays like clockwork.

And during that moment they were together, the underbelly of their relationship seemed to fade; shifting from dark shadows to wisps of grey mist. It felt oh-so good...almost as good as when they had been an item. Almost but not quite. For when dawn came round, reality would set in, sending him crushing back down to earth. He was settling for weekly no-strings-attached romps when he wanted more. It was fun but not enough. Yet that was all she was comfortable giving...taking less would eventually break his spirit...and yet he was having trouble walking away; go all cold turkey on this one...

Abbas had always been guided by logic. And his moderate sensibilities told him he was hooked to a feeling and needed to get it together. Fast.

"First chance I get, I'm out." He promised himself grimly, taking in her radiating presence.

Her heart rending yet hopeful chorus swirled around the awestruck crowd, gently cloaking them in the surreal.

"I'll be so gone," he thought, as her gaze took in her audience and finally-almost instinctively- her gleaming eyes rested on him. Nahla's face softened.

His calm faltered.

With the silent vow reverberating in his mind, Abbas reined in the feeling of disquiet within, tucked it away in a hidden place, slipped his trademark stoic face firmly back in place and raised his glass to her, casually smiling like it didn't hurt.

"What can I say, Mea culpa?"

2011-06-26T01:39:00.000-07:00

*Brushes away the dust* We're in June? And it's almost over?...

Seems like I missed May and a huge chunk of June. Both months marched in, happened and left, but I'm a little hazy on the details of what I was up to exactly. Today though, feels like a beautiful time out. I went to early morning mass (for the first time in months), came back home, made myself a nice, elaborate breakfast spread (I haven't done that in a long while either) and now I'm on the floor doing repeat marathon sessions of Sons of Anarchy season 3 (there's nothing new in tubeyville to watch...True blood 4 & White collar 3 need to get here fast) as I try to put this post together. I seriously needed this. The time-out I mean.

The last couple of months have been crazy busy, from work to my private life, with most of it bleh, sometimes messy but unavoidable. And I got so caught up in the chaos of it all, I was left feeling like I was underwater; you know, like I'm closed off from the rest of the world and I have to put in a little extra oomph in order to feel like I'm moving fluidly forward.

But there was a silver lining to it.

For starters, I got to know a new colleague better. Those who know me, will raise a quizzical eyebrow at this as I seldom get chummy with new colleagues from the get-go; preferring instead to first observe and profile from a safe distance. It usually feels less awkward for me this way. Anyway, she's real smart. I'm not talking about book-smarts; I'm talking about someone who takes in the world around her with a philosophical mind's eye. She's also cool, with a wicked sense of humor and she's also a badass tv junkie. C's now gone back to our SA office and I'm already missing her terribly...

Then I made a new book bud...

A quick side note: My sister Vicky and I have this quirky habit of exchanging quick 'notes' back and forth. The notes are usually in the form of text messages (strictly no abbreviation of words that don't make sense or look crazy when chopped up) or e-mails about anything funny or crazy we observe, stumble across, or just pops up in our minds (and no,we're not on twitter...I have no idea why).

The sessions usually end up resembling the tale of the cat; where you'll start off talking about this cool cat taking a stroll and the peeps it met and what the peeps did...and the story rambles on, taking different routes, picking up different narrators & characters along the way...it is only when you have to go that it hits you; 'Say, what happened to the cat?'. And what's even more fun, is my sis and I can jazz up the word play in any way we want (fyi, Vicky can comfortably do a whole convo in Harry Potter lingo).

Most of our friends never get it. They will be like, 'But you two were together like twenty minutes ago!' Or 'Why don't you just call each other? It's faster.' And our answer is always the same; It just won't be the same.

Remember how much fun it was passing notes in class? That's how it feels, and you can't get the same feeling when you simply call the other person...then again, it could be just me. Like I said; quirk.

Now back to my new book bud.

B not only reads more books than I do but he also has a similar soft spot for sci-fi, fantasy & YA books; savouring words with the same gusto and he's a Yoda of sorts. So we've been devouring books, shamelessly gushing about them and exchanging mad 'notes' on everything -from the profound to the fluffily fun.

It has me feeling like Alice down the rabbit hole. And I love feeling like Alice because it means by the end of the day, I will have stumbled across all sorts diverse perspectives that I had either never encountered or had previously stumbled across but never took it all in. I may not always like what I see or even fully understand it, but it is still a different angle. And it is a remainder of how bigger and diverse the universe really is. That what I know is just a tiny drop in the ocean. And always will be.

It's a humbling feeling and makes me feel a bit mediocre in the grand scheme of things. But it also leaves me curiouser...stretch out my tippy fingers just a little bit further...find out what more is out there...check out the inner workings...

The funny bit is, if this blog didn't exist, I'd never have met B, who was introduced to me by a regular visitor here. Guess I ought to start giving this place some more TLC...

So people, Carpe denim! (Seize the jeans!).

That's one of B's many parting shots by the way. I've already seized and put on my It's-a-beautifully-chilled-out-day-soak-it-all-in jeans and I'm loving the feel of it.

Have a blessed Sunday.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura.

Something peevish this way comes.

2011-04-12T03:34:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm so wishing I had the ability to dramatically swoop into a room in the form of a cloud of black smoke or sic TV's Damon Salvatore on some annoying individuals...

Now that be a lovely vision wouldn't you agree?

Yes, I've been having a couple of sucky days lately and it has me all surly. I just can't seem to get into the rhythm of things and I hate that feeling because it just slows me down when there is living to be done. Worse, I'm currently unable to write anything, be it on the blog or anywhere else. And no, I'm not about to put you to sleep with the depressing details. So this week, whilst playing the hermit, I've lined up nightly twenty minute sessions with my fave geeks of Big Bang Theory as therapy. Solitude and laughter always seem to work beautiful magic on me so it should do the trick...it better do the trick. Speaking of which, allow me to share with you the below smile-inducing forward; dropped in my office in-box this morning for Nyambura's reading pleasure.

What Airport gate attendants think of you and your thought process:

PASSENGER- A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called 'line'. This line has no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are of four known species: Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus and Paxus ignoramus.

NO RECORD- Any passenger booked through a travel agency.

GROUP- A large loud pack of passengers (see passenger) traveling together. The group leader, who has the tickets, usually waits in the bar until the required pre-board time of five minutes before departure, or until there are no seats left altogether, whichever occurs last. Reservation agents are prohibited from pre-assigning seats to groups as this may convenience them.

CARRY ON BAG- An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow managed to fit under the passenger's seat on the inbound flight. Regardless of what the passenger says, the following are not acceptable as carry-on items: bicycles, steamer trunks, refrigerators, truck tires, or wide screen projection TVs.

SIGN- An Airport decoration. Usually unnoticed; except by small children. Its primary function is to hide the location of various areas of the Airport, i.e. gate numbers, restrooms, baggage claim etc.

NON-REVENUE POSITION- Usually can be identified by the fact that these passengers are in first class and are dressed in pilot or flight attendant uniforms. Non-revenue positions are permitted to fly first class free of charge to prevent revenue passengers from being able to pay first class passenger charges.

POSITION CLOSED- This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which when interpreted by the passenger says, 'Form line here'.

BAGGAGE CLAIM- The most difficult area of the Airport to find. It is usually hidden by numerous signs saying, 'Baggage Claim Area'.

FLIGHT SCHEDULE- An entertaining work of paperback fiction.

ON TIME- An obscure term, meaning unknown.

FOG- A natural weather phenomenon that usually occurs around an Airport while the surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by Airlines and is used to delay flights.

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL- A game played by Airline pilots and Air traffic controllers. The game has no rules, and neither side knows how it is played but the goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time for passengers to make connecting flights.

TICKET AGENT- A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding ability of an Australian sheep dog, the ESP abilities of Uri Geller, the compassion of a psychoanalyst, and the tact of a diplomat. They have mysterious abilities to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all other weather phenomena. They are capable of answering three questions at one time while talking on phone, and without stuttering or choking on their tongue.

***

All those impatiently waiting (like yours truly) for Rango and I am number four to grace our local big screens say, Aye!

Thank you. Now back to work beautiful people.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura.

"Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one."

2011-03-12T01:37:00.000-08:00

Today I turned 12 (margin of error=plus/minus a couple o' decades or so).

Of course the flesh is seriously disputing this. My feeling a piratey 12 that is (Flesh: Nyambura, you seriously don't expect me to do the splits without pulling something do you?!! Me: We can improvise. Where's your imagination?). But flesh & moi are going to have a talk about that later...

I've come to view happiness as fleeting; a series of beautiful moments interwoven with the mundane and the suckage. So I do not chase rainbows much less make plans on what to do with the pot of gold. But I always try to savor those beautiful moments.

Today, was one of those moments. My friends threw me a surprise birthday BBQ that left me touched and stunned. 90% of my friends are football nuts. There was an Arsenal-Man Utd game on this evening, which meant mandatory viewing. And yet here were the fans of both teams, toasting to my growing wrinkly and toothless. So were the haters (read: Liverpool, Chelsea fans) who stood to gloat or groan in their rivals' faces should either team win or lose. How my gal F, (chief party instigator & die hard Arsenal fan) pulled it off is still a mystery to me.

Watching this awesome gathering of family and friends made me reflect on the many years these guys have been in my life. How much 'growing up' we've done together; through periods of utter brokeness, heartbreaks, we're-feeling-rich-let's-splurge moments and passionate Superman vs. Batman debates (btw, Batman is cooler but Gambit rocks!). I thought of those I used to call friends once upon a time but as time passed by, we drifted or out grew each other. Now I'm just a casual acquaintance on face book with a few while the rest simply fell off the grid. And of a time when this gathering would have been a fantasy. This was the time I went through the angst-y phase in high school; in forms three & four to be precise. Not a fun phase, beautiful people. It is A LOT of work and saps your positive vibe faster than a dementor on the war path, plus people tend to avoid you because they fear you will just bring them down...

It bothers me how easy it is to get distracted by the everyday...the pursuit of the good life...the quest to realize our dreams. Sometimes we'll even give in & stick to wallowing when the not-quite and the not-yet make up a huge chunk of our lives. And before you know it, the magic of family and friends; the magic that lights us up from the inside, gets a little dimmer and starts to flicker. We get too busy to pause and revel in the tender, fun, even silly moments peppered lovingly in our lives. After all, such 'mushy' stuff seems trivial doesn't it? It won't pay the bills or buy us that dream house. We take these moments for granted assuming they will always be there...till the day we wake up one morning and find them gone. Life happened...

So I pray for good health, some more growing up with the merry bunch and the prudence to appreciate how they always leave me all grins.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

"The one where I get arrested."

2011-02-11T04:13:00.000-08:00

"I should have prayed this morning."

Those were my thoughts as we were ushered into the dimly lit holding cells at the High court. I had rolled off bed after hitting the snooze button five times and thought of how I was running late hence had no time for an elaborate morning prayer. I think I better start from the beginning...

We were stuck in traffic this morning at around 0720 hrs right next to car & general in industrial area. I was reading Heck: where the bad kids go and didn't notice the traffic cop approaching the mat. No other passenger seemed to notice him either. And if they did, they must have assumed he was on a routine check of the driver's documents. The cop talked briefly to the driver then walked round, opened the door and took the kange's seat. That's when it hit me that it had been a long while since I had last seen the kange.

"Peleka Gari Industrial area," the cop ordered.

The guy seated next to him requested we alight so we can get another mat.

"Mushuke mwende wapi na nyinyi pia ni mabusu. Mumevaa mshipi?"

And so we were all driven into the cop station -a stone's throw away from Car & General- where five uniformed officers -two gents and three ladies-were waiting for us. Oddly enough, I was not ruffled. A little irritated, but unfazed even as they herded us into a shabby looking office that looked more like a changing room; with uniforms hanging from hooks on the walls. I figured worst case scenario, they'd keep us waiting and let us go with a warning or ask for a bribe. The fact that they had not taken any of our personal effects was also comforting.

"With those women out there we're going to be here a while; waona vile wameshiba? Have a seat and relax," A handsome guy with a blinged cheeky smile informed me from the bench he sat on. He had been in our mat. I later found out his name is Em. And he'd been there before. Twice.

"What happens now?" I asked, as I sat next to him.

"Those women will insist we be taken to court," Em explained.

"Makadara?" asked the guy seated on his right. He was young, probably age mates with Em and dressed for the office (no blazer or tie). He later introduced himself to me as K.

"No idea. I've never been taken to court."

The door was padlocked from the outside and was opened a total of four times.

The first time was to bring in the second -and huuuge- assorted bunch of traffic law offenders; from matatu crews to other passengers who had also not bothered with the seat belt.
The second time, one of the female officers walked in to take the names of all those who had not worn seat belts. Most of the matatu crews seemed to know her for they crowded around her, some tried to sweet talk her into going easy on them. She handled them with the exasperated patience of a mother with unruly kids.
The third time, was to summon Em. Apparently he knew the OCS, the lucky bugger. He flashed us a smile and left. For the first time in my life, I truly understood the power of having friends in high places. I was so envious of the extra spring to his step; my insides churned green as I wished we could trade places if only for that one day. K scooted over, "You were going to school?" he asked.

"Work."

"Oh."

I get that a lot. It's the converse sneakers & jeans look. People find it hard to associate it with an office. My cross body book bag doesn't help matters. We casually talked about our work places and traded stories of hilarious tales of friends who had had minor scrapes with the law; from being drunk, disorderly & disturbing public peace, to refusing to pay bus fares. And how it was going to be their turn to laugh at us. K was a cool guy. Easy to talk to and smiled with his eyes. A few minutes to Nine, the door opened for a fourth time. We were ordered out and bundled into an ancient matatu that nearly tipped over when it took on the Nyayo round about...

*Sights and sounds*

My holding cell mates were an interesting assortment of people:
There was C: We had been arrested together. She was a pint-sized young lady. Cute with doe-like eyes that made me want to hug her and tell her it was not so bad. She was scared, but not losing it.

S: She'd also been at industrial area. She was a simple lady, philosophical when I talked to her and had a quiet strength that I liked. She was to become my holding hands partner later on.
Mama Kanjo: Not her name but she told me she worked for city council as she sat down next to me. She was matronly and chatty. Talked with her hands, constantly touching my arm as if to emphasize a point. She had been arrested in Pangani also for not wearing a seat belt. Next to mama Kanjo was a slender, gorgeous lady in a trouser suit. The only time she spoke was to tell us -after mama Kanjo asked her- that she had been arrested because some money went missing at her workplace. What amazed me was that she didn't look worried at all...
A lady in a short denim skirt stood by the door constantly talking on phone in a manner that would have grated on our nerves had it carried over the din. I christened her Petunia. She was loud and a touch neurotic. On the bench across from me, was a serious looking woman I called Umbridge. She looked peeved and stiff the entire time we were there. Not even once did she relax or smile. Next to her was a lady with braids who had been arrested together with mama Kanjo; happy lady with a loud hearty laugh and finally, at the corner was a pregnant lady who had been arrested in Kilimani for abusing a cop.

I sent a text to R. "I'm in a holding cell @ high court. Didn't wear a seatbelt...cool cell mates."

R immediately called back. "You're such an ass for letting me know now. You ok?"

I grinned. He'd said ass in Kyuk. And no, he hadn't been referring to the donkey. "I'm good."

"They'll fine you 1k max. You have that on you?"

"Yep."

"Cool. I'm on my way." He clicked off.

Mama Kanjo was hilarious and kept us entertained. We didn't even notice time go by till a cop opened the door some minutes to 11a.m and told us to step out. The guys were already out in the hallway lined up. We lined up infront of them and paired up. After being briefed on how to behave when court was in session, we were ordered to hold hands then trekked up the stairs towards traffic court n.o 7. People stopped to stare and I didn't blame them. We were an odd mix of a hundred or so people, in pairs and holding hands. Once inside the court room, we waited quietly (with cell phones swtiched off) for an hour before the magistrate finally arrived...

*Court room lessons*

With no distractions, the waiting drove me nuts. It gave me too much time to brood. Made me restless as I thought of all the things I could be doing till a voice in my head pointed out that I'd be seated at my office desk drinking mud like coffee as I mumbled at the computer screen. Once in session, I got insight into the downside of matatu business. And it's not for the faint-hearted. I witnessed the extent at which a mat owner can get burned. Case in point; there was a Nissan mat owner who had five of his mats impounded. Reason? they were operating with defective parts (how a cop can pull over a vehicle & be able to tell it has defective parts puzzled me). The fine? 7k to the driver for driving a defective vehicle and 7k to the owner for allowing a defective car to operate, PER vehicle. If it's a bus, the driver and the owner are fined 15 k each per vehicle. Citi hoppa had a total of 12 buses impounded for having defective parts. And oh, for using the wrong route, there was a Nissan driver fined a whooping 20k. The figures made me wince. Personal car drivers were not spared either and their offenses varied; from driving with a mutilated driving license, jumping traffic lights to obstruction.

Important fact to note: The prosecutor is nothing like the one on Be the judge. The guy mumbled like he wasn't sure of what he was reading. I couldn't understand half of the stuff he was saying (the magistrate & court clerk seemed to have no trouble though). Worse, he kept picking his nose every time he spoke. And constantly dozed off as the court clerk droned on!

By 2 pm, the session was over. I caught a peek of R waving at me and grinning like crazy from the open doorway. He enjoyed this way more than was legal. Now we had to wait for the cashiers to come in and wait some more for our names to be called up to pay the fine. I kept thinking I needed an iced coffee badly. That and a cold shower. It would have been a long wait too had R not talked to the court clerk. I don't know what he told her (he knows her; long story), 'coz she called my name and asked for the fine before disappearing into an office outside. A few minutes later, she was back with the receipt. And just like that, I was finally free to go. I said by goodbyes to K, S and C and quickly left the court room.

"Outlaw," R teased with a smile.

"And sooo not Sons of Anarchy."

"Tell me about it."

And I did.

***

NB: The above is a 10th February entry retrieved from the cutting room floor after much internal deliberation

60 shots o' rum with Nyambura...

2011-02-03T04:27:00.000-08:00

Shiko-Msa and Cold turkey have been wondering what's up with the non-writing...

Lately I've been in a dither about what to write. You see the little voices vacationed in Shiko's area code over the holiday season. And while gallivanting there they indulged in a few (and 'a few' is loosely used here) colorful sippy sippys, you know; the ones with the little umbrellas. And before anyone could say "Mombasa raha!" they all went toooooes up...

We've just stepped into February and them voices are still struggling to get rid of the haze. Shiko has been kind enough to give them a spot o' hair of the dog-disguised as a fun tag. http://shikomsa.com/2011/01/60-seconds-with-shiko/

So ladies and gents, I present to you 60 seconds (ahem: minutes) with Nyambura:

What did you want to be when you were growing up?
I wanted to be Slash.Then I realized there could only be one Slash so i moved on to wanting to be a teacher. And yes, I stole the classroom chalk, wrote on bedroom walls and bullied the younger siblings into being my pupils. Then one day I watched these totally cool female Taiko drummers on Japan video topics (on KBC once upon a time) and realized I had to be a drummer...

Fast forward to many many years later...

I still worship Slash. And kids have fortunately been spared the trauma that comes from being taught by yours truly. However, I do drum. In my day dreams that is. And In that oh-so beautiful jam session, I'm Carter Beauford. (to truly understand why I'm floored by this guy, go to You tube and check out DMB's live concerts vids)

What's the best piece of advice you have ever been given?
"...Have they chopped off your hands? Have they fried your brains? No? Good. Now get up and go back to the drawing board..."

What's the best piece of advice you ever gave?
Best? Sadly I don't seem to have an inner Sensei or Yoda to unleash on people...

What do you most enjoy about your job?
I could say that it has exposed me to the physical beauty of Kenya...well, there is that. And it's a beauty so wild, majestic & staggering, you want to get lost in it. But what always leaves me awestruck, are the crazily fascinating people I meet and even work with...their stories...their passions...

Who would you most like to have dinner with?
I can throw a dinner party yes? Cool. Now here be the guest list.

-Slash (don't get me started on him 'coz I could go on all day)
-Bill Cosby (Just the sight of him has me busting a gut...and he's pretty wise too)
-Vladimir Putin (Is it just me, or does the guy seem like the sort that eats and sleeps in a state of hostility? I want to see him in relax mode...maybe even pick his brain...)
-Hugh Jackman *swooooon*
-Cap'n Jack (yes, THAT one)
-Bernie Stinson (His 3-day-wait dating rule- because Jesus waited 3 days to resurrect-among other theories ought to be fun dinner table convo; especially taking into account who's in attendance)
-Keith Richards (Now here is a guy who knows how to create his own excitement-healthy or not. And I'll get to ask him about the curious fallin'-out-of-a-tree Fiji incident...Call me nuts, but that's the kind of stuff I'd want on my life's little happenings list at age 63...without the head injury of course)
-Shonda Rhimes (For creating the world of Grey's)
-Oprah (she'll get everyone-including Putin-talking and in line)
-Dr. Seuss (If he can make it in ghost form. He'll eternally be the most freaking awesome writer in my books)
-Jon Stewart (He of the biting wit and the brilliant rally to restore sanity)

...and no R, you don't qualify as a guest. You're always coming in through the kitchen door and peeking into saucepans anyway so you're practically family....

What has been your most embarrassing moment?
I'd tell you but...well...you know...

Who is the most important person in your life?
There are several someones; family and a few friends who keep me smiling and grounded...

What's your worst regret in life?
There was a time I used to wish I had applied myself more in high school; from academics to the extra curricular stuff. Here's the funny thing about regrets though; I'll start feeling bad, wishing it hadn't happened or that it shouldn't have happened THAT WAY, but then I've got the flip side. And the flip side throws me into this totally different path that turns out to be a huuuge blessing...

Who is your role model?
Hmmmm...people I find inspiring...well, there is my mum, whose amazing strength I strive to have...
And then there's Gabbz. He's been my tight bud and neighbor since high school. He's got beautiful faith in the people he cares about, he's driven but doesn't lose sight of the big pic. Plus, for an awesome guy he's pretty humble...

If you could be one person for a day, who would that be?
Sydney Bristow. I get to be a double agent, kick serious ass while rocking crazy wigs and still get to go home to chill out with loved ones. Plus, I could always bribe the screen writer if need be...

And guys, Salt may be hot looking, but in a fight, I'm betting Sydney would wipe the floor with her. HA!

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

Faves of 2010

2010-12-24T02:39:00.001-08:00

CLICK!

That's me exiting Microsoft outlook with flourish. Work's done, and i don't have to think about it till 28th Dec. X-mas is here people, and I can fiiiiiinally shoo away the year.

If I can summarize 2010 in one sentence I'd call it the year of "Nilikuwa tu,"

You know; not bad, not wow with lots of chunky, sucky bits in between that made me want to huddle in a corner, retreat within...if only for a little while...just so i could count to ten and breathe...BUT holiday cheer has me all giddy, so what you say we let the sucky bits be bygones and rehash the fluffily fun bits of 2010 instead?

Fave reads of 2010: Jellicoe road by Melina Marchetta.True, it's not a book that came out this year. In fact, it's been around for a few years now. But I was unable to get my hands on a copy till now (let's hear it for the go-to guys. Again). And peeps, it was worth the wait;

This book stole my heart from the get go:

"...And then a kid called Fitz came riding by on a stolen bike and saved our lives.

Someone asked us later, "Didn't you wonder why no one came across you sooner?"

Did i wonder?

When you see your parents zipped up in black body bags on the Jellicoe Road like they're some kind of garbage, don't you know?

Wonder dies."

It's a hauntingly enthralling story that gently swirls around you, pulling you in and before you know it, your background's faded...

Fave read # 2 goes to Johnny & the dead by Terry Pratchett followed by The year of secret assignments by Jaclyn Moriarty (fyi, not new books either) for making me laugh out loud in mat rides which in turn had people giving me the raised eyebrows.

Tv shows I enjoyed immensely in 2010: Top on the list, hands down, has to be Vampire diaries season 2. Mystic fall's queen of mambo bad came back to town and started wreaking havoc. Did the other characters keel over from fright? Naaah, they dug in their heels and anted up their awesome badassness. Even *gasp* the once-upon-a-time annoying Caroline...and the cool bit is, we're only halfway into the season. Sweeeet!.

2nd place honors goes to my fave bikers in Sons of Anarchy season 3 and the n.o 3 spot goes to Boardwalk Empire season 1. Don't you all love Al Capone in this show? I do.

Fave songs of 2010: It has to be 'Love the way you lie' by Eminem & Rihanna. It was so beautifully heart rending, them dark and twisties hooowled...and let's not forget Kidum & Lady Jay D's soulful 'Nitafanya' which came in a close 2nd; so close, i almost declared it a tie...except Em's unhinged anger and pain makes me want to soothingly tell him it will be alright in the end (I hope) and Rihanna's messed up helplessness made me want to cry...

A minute please as we indulge in a moment of the profound:

Leader who made a huge impression in 2010: That's Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, the outgoing Brazilian president. The Daily Nation did a piece on him when he visited Kenya and Time magazine honored him. For me, 2010 was a year where Kenyan leaders had me all jaded -so much so i watched the local news on mute. Power play and ridiculously protecting their own was all they ever seemed to do, so when i read about this guy, I was amazed. This is a leader who is improving the quality of life of the Brazilian mwanainchi by ensuring that quality health care, education, food, clean water are accessible to all (ponder on the words, quality of life...visualize, the same way you would a dream car). That's my dream president...and he's real...

Now back to my holiday cheer inspired zaniness.

Fave movie of 2010: Inception, Inception, beautiful people: I'd call watching this movie a beautifully heady experience, except that doesn't quite do it justice. So picture your fave drink; it could be an iced cappuccino brewed just right, or a beautifully chilled beer maybe even an ice cold coke, on a sunny day. Now picture it being IVed into your brain....feel that ka-mental rush kick in...your brain's demanding that you DON'T blink isn't it? That's what Inception did for me. And don't even get me started on THAT bloody spinning top...

N.o 2 was Harry Potter & the deathly Hallows pt 1. The wizard fights were so fast and bad ass, they made me wish i had a wand to zap me some death eaters. And oh, you ever noticed how oh so fun it is to watch a movie in a theater full of kids? Kids don't eye roll or make unsolicited snarky comments.What's even cooler, they know how to get into the spirit of things...no dream is too far out for them. Shutter Island and Tangled came in at 3rd and 4th place respectively while Social network rounds up my top movie magic five...

Fave Movie Trailer of 2010: Pirates of the Caribbean: On stranger tides...the movie debuts next year, but it's trailer which came out a few weeks back, just floored me. Aye, Capt. Jack Sparrow always brings out the fan girl in me. And no, I'm not ashamed of it. But aside from Jack being his ridiculously hilarious self, Black Beard (fiiinally) makes an appearance and I'm betting my payslip that he'll make Barbossa look like an altar boy. I mean, this is Black Beard; if you're into pirate history like I am, you know how wrong the guy was. What's even more super awesome, the character of Black beard is been played by one Ian McShane aka Al Swearengen. Now let me hear an Arrrrgh!!!!

***

Quote of the day: "The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk.
This drunkenness culminates on New year's eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to" P.J O' Rourke

Here's to an awesome 2011, peeps.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

"Warning: Here be an ode...of sorts..."

2010-11-04T01:19:00.000-07:00

When in need of some spoil-meself-silly retail therapy, I don't do shoes; I go on a kick ass book buying expedition (key word being expedition, beautiful people). And of late, I've been in dire need of some of that therapy, thanks to a nightmarish week in the office and a nasty bout of the flu that left me with a throat infection as a souvenir.

So I hit a few bookstores and found nothing interesting enough to make me want to splurge. Pissed, my best bud R and I revisited the pros of ordering book titles I want, not those that the local bookstores have. Only this time, it would involve me book browsing beyond my country code, drawing up a sensible book list ( those are R's words and good luck trying to explain to me how sensibility & books can co-exist in my world), practicing patience and having faith in the kindness of strangers. The ultimate upside? We'd do it darn cheap 'coz he knows a guy who knows a girl who knows a guy...all on the up & up...

Most people call R a hustler; an operator...you know, one those original sunbeam alumni types who can get you an original Manolo or Jimmy choo at an irresistible price. Some Kenyans pigeon hole them as guys who would sell their cucu if the price is right or as baddies who break hearts as they play (fyi, you'll always find dodgy characters peppered all over even in 'safe' places like church). And if that is all you're prepared to see, that is all you'll get.

Me? I prefer the moniker, the go-to guy. The guy who can get it for you or knows someone else who can. 'It' can be just about anything; a book, a pair of sneakers, designer perfume or a whole different way of thinking...a different approach to doing things. These go-to people are the kings & queens of versatility. They not only have down pat 100 ways of skinning a cat; they can throw in 10 more ways if required to do so.

They don't understand slacker mentality because it's a mentality that goes no where; a cop out. But they do get that life is unfair and that the odds are heavily stacked against them. They know how to get money and are skilled at it...they've had to be. Once upon a time, long before there was Equity Bank, banks hardly acknowledged their -and any other small scale entrepreneur's- existence. Now the very same banks are scrambling for them; wanting a piece of the lovely SME pie...now if only more people would acknowledge the potential these guys have when it comes to shaping and moving our world...

But don't be fooled by their seemingly easy going nature and the dapper look. Kick it back with these guys after a long day's work and they'll occasionally let slip shards of a harsh past life. And if you look into their eyes long enough, you'll see within those depths a tenacity and something else...something profound and heartbreaking. Even now, they are not home free.Yet. Not when you've got the greedy landlords, high costs of living, some more odds being stacked up and a recession that has financially claimed several of their own. Yet, they're still doing their thing with a roho juu swagger.

So, to the go-to guys I've come to call friends (yes, I'm referring to you R, BK, M & Che), I tip my hat and say a prayer; for I have come to lean on you guys when I'm in need of inspiration, strength, 3D thinking sessions aaaand of course priceless company.

And oh, honorable mentions go to Elvis, gal you're doing your thing and so rocking it, I'm in awe. And to you E, for tirelessly sating my appetite for all things far out and brilliant in the realm of tubey & movie magic...

***

Of miscellaneous life lessons: You know how as kids we'd swear, "If I'm lying, may lightning strike me dead?" And you ALWAYS remembered to cross your fingers when saying it?

Well, as we were about to start the Stan chart Marathon last Sunday, a colleague of mine was pointing out to me instances when life just sucks (details of which i now can't remember). And being in such a lovely mood, I cheerfully quipped back, "Oh well, sometimes we've got to accept that some days we're the pigeons and some days the statue..." (yes Dilbert, whoever you are. I'm soo blaming this on you)
It did not occur to me that we were standing below those tall trees at Nyayo Stadium; you know, the trees where the Marabou storks reside. It also didn't occur to me that one of the storks may have been listening in on our conversation. Worse, i didn't think to cross my fingers. So a few seconds later, the eavesdropping Marabou stork took a dump. It's aim was lousy, but bits of its humongous droppings did manage to fall on my arm. The guy standing next to me? Not so lucky.

Moral of the story?
-On some days, you really are the Statue.
-Always cross your fingers (with the reality of lesson # 1 in mind)...
-Don't be a wise ass. No one likes a wise ass. Not even Marabou storks...

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

"Me? Bored? Naaah..."

2010-10-18T06:38:00.000-07:00

See, I'm not a morning person.

It takes ridiculous amounts of coffee & KND + Ben 10: Alien force to get me all stirred up. And that's just on weekends. Weekdays, especially Mondays, are a whole different level of personal distress. Which is why I'm currently coaxing my mind out of the zone of the half dead by juicing it up with fantasies of yours truly delivering -in scathing tones- Dilbert's rules of order to a chivvy office audience.

Now i have no idea who this Dilbert guy is, but I salute him for coming up with rules like:

-I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
-Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
-Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days the statue.
-I don't have an attitude problem, others have a perception problem.
-I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
-You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter
-Everybody is somebody Else's weirdo....

...Wickedly fun no? But at this rate I'll probably ante it up to imaginary re-enactments of Carrie or the chain saw massacre so let's move on to something more wholesome like...say, lists. Now lists are fuuuun. Lists get me all perky and a perky Nyambura, is a veeery productive Nyambura. Besides, with lists, the possibilities are endless...you can make fun lists based on anything that pops into your head...

Take Entertainment weekly, who recently put together a list of 100 greatest characters in pop culture over the last 20 years, which basically features fictional women, men, ogres, muppets, babies & cartoon rockers who made a lasting impact after 1990. Most of my faves made the list (YAY!). Others evoked in me involuntary eye rolls & arched eyebrows... Borat? WTF!!!... Edward 'put-me-to-sleep' Cullen made the list & Vampire diaries' Damon Salvatore didn't? Worse, he's ranked ahead of HIMYM's Barney, The Shield's Vic Makey & Friday night lights Tim Riggins?!! Seriously???!!

Fuck their list, I say.

Here's MY greatest fictional characters (in pop culture) in the past 20 yrs list:

1. Capt. Jack Sparrow- Pirates of the Caribbean movies
2. Al Swearengen- Dead wood
3. Barney- How I met your mother
4. Damon Salvatore- Vampire Diaries
5. Jack Bauer- 24
6. Sydney Bristow -Alias
7. Veronica Mars- Veronica Mars
8. Keyser Soze- The Usual Suspects
9. Harry Potter - Harry Potter
10. Jax - Sons of Anarchy
11. Cameron- Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles
12. Omar-The wire
13. Vic Makey- The Shield
14. Gollum-Lord of the rings
15. The 'big man' (played by Papa Shirandula) in the very first Brrr coca cola commercial
16. Tim Riggins- Friday night lights
17. Don Draper- Mad men
18. Detective Alonzo Harris- Training day (After this performance, i never looked at Denzel the same way again)
19. Chuck Bass & Blair Waldorf- Gossip Girl (the Tv series)
20. Tony Soprano- The Sopranos
21. The Joker- Dark Knight
22. Chandler Bing- Friends
23. Sheldon, Leonard, Rajesh & Howard- Big Bang Theory (they're totally inseparable)
24. Buffy - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
25. Dr. Bailey- Grey's Anatomy
26. Sponge Bob- Sponge bob square pants
27. Dr. House- House, M.D
28. Madea- From the Tyler Perry films & plays
29. Dexter Morgan- Dexter
30. Amanda Wood ward- Melrose Place
31. Lex Luthor-Smallville

Honorable mentions: (characters created before 1990 but still leave me smiling)
1. Fred Sanford- Sanford n Son
2. Dr. Huxtable- Cosby Show
3. Pepe Le Pew- Looney tunes
4. Steve Urkel- Family matters

There. Short n sweet...

You're already arching your eyebrow & backing up that lip curl with a Mscheeew! aren't you?....tempted to make an even cooler list & declare mine lame? See? FUN. Sure as hell beats doodling or playing solitaire...

Now back to work.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS: Allow me to share the below excerpt from a speech delivered by James Cameron

"...Don't put limitations on yourself. Other people will do that for you. Don't do that to yourself. Don't bet against yourself. And take risk. NASA has this phrase that they like, 'Failure is not an option.' But failure has to be an option. In art and exploration, failure has to be an option. Because it is a leap of faith. And no important endeavor that required innovation was done without risk. You have to be willing to take those risks...In whatever you are doing, failure is an option. But fear is not..."

The one where I dwell on Kwani?...

2010-09-18T00:37:00.000-07:00

Indulge me for a second (or two) peeps...let's talk about reading in Kenya. I won't get all huffy about it. Promise.

I was looking at Friday's paper and they were talking about how Kwani? wako down...that somewhere along that road of serving up samplings from the Kenyan world of literature, they got it wrong...

First, a quick side note: I admit, I'm no big fan of the Kwani? books. They have the feel of a high school set book. You know; those Lit class books you trudged through 'cause your English grade depended on it. And with the exception of The Government Inspector, there is no set book I'd touch just for the fun of it...Maybe Kwani? have a different sort of reader in mind? I don't know...

What majorly bugged me about the gloom & doom article was the way it went on and on about Kwani?'s shortcomings yet offered no insights on how to make reading for fun a cool thing in a country that is hardly (and sometimes looks down on) reading for leisure.

Let's start with the said paper; their Friday entertainment section has Tv shows, movie, music reviews and even a blog review (i never quite get). There is no book review. Go to their Sunday book review section for kids, and the reviews sound like they were just copy-pasted off book blurbs...Note, there is no YA book review for the teen reader. And yes, contrary to popular belief, there are Kenyan teen readers (for research help, ask books first for their notes. They've done their homework quite nicely).

You know what would have been really cool? If the said paper (which belongs to a pretty resourceful media house) would have teamed up with Kwani? and kicked off a fab nation-wide reading campaign...or a traveling book festival...

Maybe even help set up more libraries or support existing ones...

Hell, get parents and teachers to take initiative and encourage reading. I remember during my primary school days (once upon a time), our English and Kiswahili teachers set aside a weekly double lesson for reading. Sometimes it was a quiet solo reading session in the library, sometimes the teacher picked a book and made us read it out loud in turns (quite a hair raising affair), discussing its themes as we went along. Bear in mind, this was in small town schools and all were public schools with one exception. We were not tested on it. They were just sessions dedicated to exploring the world of literature. Period. I now salute these teachers...

In a nutshell, make books accessible to as many people (especially children) as possible. THEN write about it.

And you know what would be super cool? Serving Kenyans a kick ass book buffet.
From the classics, the deliciously serious (even tragic) to the fun...throw in African, Arabian, Asian, Aussie, Carribbean, British & American tales and histories...give us all sorts of genres and garnish it with quick reads and books for the reluctant reader...we want to enter a library or a bookstore and feel like a kid let loose in a candy store.

And please don't be timid or obsessively rigid in your servings. As kids, Abunwasi, Anansi the spider and the Hare stories wowed us just as much as 1001 Arabian Nights and Enid Blyton's tales of the Faraway tree & Wishing chair. The Moses (Kibaya) series and pacesetters were on the same shelves as Famous Five, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Secret Seven and we went through them all with zeal. As for Akokhan,...well, it's as bad ass as the Marvel & DC comics. We didn't care who the authors were, what prizes they won; we just loooved a good story, so much so, swapping books & comics became a ritual of sorts in the face of the game boy rage...

I don't know if all of my former classmates are still avid readers. I'm sure quite a number are not, and that's OK (although i wish they were)...But i do strongly believe, that we owe the younger generation a right; a right for them to discover and explore the world of books. If they grow up and say reading for fun is not their thing, then so be it. But never let them say they never knew or experienced the oh so magical world of books. We owe them that much.

Why?

Because books teleport us into a realm where you get to peek into other worlds, cultures, religions, other people's experiences, hopes, fears, wishes and dreams. And if you're lucky, you may even get to battle a troll or vamp and still be back home in time for supper. Books can help fight ignorance and hate, teach us about love, friendship and the power of believing in ourselves...soothe despair just a smidge and bring comic relief. They nurture the imagination which in turn lends substance, color and oomph to dreams and ideas...and we do know how these shape and transform the world we live in don't we?...

Perhaps reading campaigns and funding public libraries may not be the most commercially viable projects but it is the right thing to do. And sometimes, that's all the reason we need.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

A spot of whatnots

2010-08-26T02:47:00.000-07:00

No matter how baffling or short sighted our school of thought -as Kenyans- can sometimes be, we do have moments when we do redeem ourselves... show a flash of brilliance here and there...

Case in point: Last evening, i was in the middle of a beautiful stand off at our mat stage. The touts were at it again; charging insane amounts of bus fare and blaming it on heavy traffic...only this time, we were having none of it:

The touts and stage attendants confidently announced, "Fifty bob Mater-Hazina!"

Those with the inability to visualize and get the big picture scrambled to get in while the majority of us hang back. I took the opportunity to appreciate the sky with its spectacular shades of blue and streaks of gold (oh, the places a sunset can nudge the imagination to go to...sigh)

"Fifty bob Mater-Hazina!!"

The remaining crowd stayed put and watched the mats stream in and line up.

"FIIIIFTY BOB MATER-HAZINA!!" they screamed.

We coolly stared back.

"Forty bob Mater-Hazina?" The touts offered. By this time, they were looking pretty distressed; almost hyperventilating as the imaginary end-of-day tuskers (previously envisioned as they estimated the day's bonuses) poofed out of their heads at a rather alarming rate.

We stared back some more...

And they caved in. The sight was simply priceless (not to mention comical). While paying forty percent over and above the normal fare (without prior notice) may not seem a big deal to some people, the stand off was our way of saying -as one massive unit- we won't be jerked around just cause we seem powerless, so help us God. Now if only we could keep it up...

***

Song still stuck in my head: It has to be "Love the way you lie" by Eminem & Rihanna. It's beautifully haunting; you feel the pain, the anger and a hopelessness that's a touch unhinged. The song gives me the goosebumps, gets beneath my skin and tags at them dark and twisties...totally awesome...and so on my play list.

***

Fave movie of the year: It's been months since i last went to the movies and I'm thrilled i went back just in time to catch Inception. Twice. (sorry Che, i couldn't wait. It's the morbid curiosity you see).

Yes, twice. And yes, it's that freaking awesome; an instant classic. The first time i went to watch it, i felt like someone had IVed a double espresso into my brain. I was even scared to blink, in case i missed something (and trust me, there will be moments where you will gawk and go like "What the bloody hell just happened??!!!) . Then i went to watch it a second time; this time to just leisurely soak it all in... If you looooved The Matrix, then you'll eat this one up.

Annoying people you will meet at the theater: This girl who kept loudly complaining to the boyfriend, "I don't get it...it has lots of fiction..."

Girl, what were you expecting? Seriously. It's a sci-fi movie about dreams...Sci-fi as in Science fiction? Google it up, see if you can wrap your mind around the concept THEN come watch the movie.

Fave inception quote? This guy Eames joins a gunfight, takes in his partner's fire power then quips smugly,

"You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger darling," And pulls out a bad ass grenade launcher.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

Sixpence none the richer: humbling food for thought

2010-07-27T23:43:00.000-07:00

I suffer from curiosity, beautiful people. Which probably explains why i simply looove the power of the almighty Google. Each time i flex my fingers to search for one thing, i end up stumbling across all sorts of other interesting stuff which I just HAVE to take a peek at; see where that ka-road ends. Except that on the net, there is no end to a road; you find it going on aaaand on and branching out into curious lanes, a maze of avenues & right onto a different highway. (and yes, i do spend lots of time on the net searching for useless pieces of info)

Case in point: This morning, while listening to and totally loving Sixpence's It came upon a midnight clear, I searched for the album that holds the song and stumbled upon the origin of the band's name. Which comes from a book by C.S Lewis (the very name has my BP shooting up by a point or two) called Mere Christianity (OK, so it doesn't sound Chronicles of Narnia-ish, but I'll bite). In the book:

A little boy asks his father if he can get a sixpence -a small denomination of English currency- to go and get a gift for his father. The father gladly accepts the gift and he's really happy with it, but he also realizes that he's not any richer for the transaction. C. S Lewis was comparing that to his belief that God had given him, and us, the gifts that we possess, and to serve him the we way we should, we should do it humbly-realizing how we got the gifts in the first place.

Of late I've been seriously bugged by the 'good' being preached by some of our church leaders and so-called 'saved' people (triggered off by the draft constitution). That, coupled with my being lately afflicted with an acute case of the dark & twisties, has made it way too easy (i confess) for me to get pissed, forget to count my blessings and lose sight of the big spiritual picture...

The above piece of enlightenment sort of slams it all back into proper focus though...

Do have a reflective day peeps.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

"An ode to THE football fan"

2010-07-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

The final three minutes of "Hands in the sky" by Stray light run plays over and over in my head; fingers crossed (can't afford to part with another bottle of Viceroy, guys), my hands move to it's thumping beat as i urge my team on... And that's just me; your regular girl who juas the basic rules (though gets all muddled up on the offside rule) and enjoys the occasional game or two but hardly qualifies as a football fan.

Now THE football fan; that's a whole different species. And he/she brings passion, folklore and spirit in the name of the beautiful game; conjuring up a kind of magic that leaves you awestruck. Just watch any given match and you'll see them all gussied up; armed with drums, cauldrons, calabashes and chanting beeeeautiful poetry that sometimes sounds like this (and do pardon their french):

Man U fans chant:
"If i had the wings of a sparrow,
If i had the arse of a crow,
I'd fly over Maine road tomorrow,
And shit on the bastards below, beelow,
shit on, shit on,
shit on the bastards below"

New castle fans towards Sunderland fans:
"Going down, going down, going down,

Sunderland fans happily reply:

'so are we, so are we, so are we.'

A man city chant:
"Feed the goat and he will score,
Feed the goat,
Feed the goat,
Feed the goat and he will score,"

Liverpool chant (or is it anthem?):
When you walk through a storm,
hold your head up high,
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of a storm,
There's a golden sky,
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown...
walk on, walk on with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone.

Vidic chant:
Nemanja whoa,
Nemanja whoa,
He come's from Serbia,
He'll fucking murder ye!

All said in good jest of course.

And that's just at the English Premier league.

So here's a toast to THE football fan. And as the world's greatest carnival draws to a close come Sunday (sniff), over 84, 000 of these guys will clench fists, chest thump, hiss blood, foot thump and fervently chant in thundering decibels bringing the calabash spectacularly to life.

Stay tuned.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS: And while still on matters football, if you're a fan who enjoys devouring books, sample 'fever pitch' by Nick Hornby (hilaaarious guy by the way) who wittily recounts his love affair with football and especially Arsenal FC. Awesome read.

"They shoot haters of Mexican soaps, don't they?"

2010-05-21T00:05:00.000-07:00

The rains have me reaching home way too early and stumbling across all sorts of shows being aired on our local channels. And all have the ability to act on me like a hole in the head; so indulge me as i rant & rave about all things television.

Mexican soap fans are currently in Tv heaven; all they have to do is sit back & channel surf to their heart's content. And that's cool, if it's your thing but let's just make sure that for peace sakes, I'm not watching any of it with you. Things will go real bad, real quick due to my inability to keep my wise ass comments to myself. Seriously.

I'll sigh "Oh, brother," and "Yeah, we get the picture," at every long winded declaration of love. Then there will be a Maria or Isabella wailing (trust me, these girls wail not cry) every 10 minutes, which will force me to quip in concern, "Maria, don't you ever get dehydrated from all the crying? Seriously girl, that can't be good for the skin,"

You'll shoot daggers at me and that will shut me up for a while, except Alejandro (or is it Antonio??) is now crying and for some reason that bugs me more than Maria's wail, so much so, that to destruct myself, I tap you on the arm and ask politely, "Say, what's with the hot dudes unbuttoning their shirts all the way down to the navel?... I'm just asking!!!"

By this time you're so majorly pissed, you'll happily lend a machete to my head. And we don't want that do we?

***

A quick comment in regard to KTN's Changing times:

First off, the tom boy & her BFF were the first to grab my attention and the romantic in me hopes that theirs, will be an interesting story. Secondly, I love the guy who puts together the show's tunes (he's got a lovely eclectic ear) BUT here's the thing; if I'm constantly coming back to my couch after the commercial break and can't remember where you left off, you're in BIG trouble.

So please have the head writer/creator re-examine her script; DO get a team of cool writers to work with her, now work up a creatively spectacular brainstorm and give us the revamped script ASAP before we keel over from boredom or simply shrug & wander off.

Fyi, team changing times: Vampire diaries piqued my interest at episode # 5 (but i confess Damon was majorly responsible for keeping me entertained on my journey to that episode n.o 5)...then they kept anteing it up episode after episode...now I'm hooked. So you see, you guys can still turn things around. And I'm a hopeful gal who believes Jennifer Gatero (that's her name yes?) has potential and with time, she can be our very own Shonda Rhimes.

In the meantime, I'll stick to my usual faves (highly recommended by yours truly in the links below).

http://nyamburazdiary.blogspot.com/2009/11/one-without-title-k-my-brains-numb-from.html

http://nyamburazdiary.blogspot.com/2010/03/hip-hip-chin-chin-blessed-easter.html

And oh, N Tv's now showing Gossip girl. KTN, you're sooo R.I.P aren't you? You have my heartfelt condolences.

***

I'm curious; what exactly are safcom's safis meant to be species wise?...
Come on guys, you can tell me, I'm quite comfy with the vamps, werewolves, elves & all other supes so it's not like my eyes will pop out in disbelief if you tell me who they are. The Skiza one (my only fave, coz it makes me smile) strangely reminds me of pilipili hohos (or a similar looking veggie) dancing to daddy yankee. Mr.Thick lips is kinda creepy, but he sure can move, no?

We're all loving the new freedom from thirst Sprite Commercial aren't we? I know my mind's eye's having a field day with that one :-)

***

Thought of the day:

"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards"

Clearly, Mr. Mark Twain had not encountered the Kenyan politician.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

"The world's not waiting...and why should it?"

2010-04-21T04:14:00.000-07:00

As a general rule of thumb, i avoid (and occasionally fail) getting into debates regarding politics & religion with anyone. No matter how much fun they promise to be.

Yes, I'm one of those people who opts to sit back, smile politely and throw in the occasional food for thought as i watch people passionately slug it out.

Why?

Because not only does everyone (especially yours truly) stubbornly hold onto their opinion, but in their mind they've already decided that everyone else of a different opinion is certifiably insane...

So such hearty debates sometimes get volatile, especially if fueled by alcohol (ever noticed how you feel supremely intelligent after a few sippy sippies?); buddies will exchange harsh words, chests will be painfully jabbed, punches will be thrown and on one occasion, I've seen a kitchen knife drawn (by a very polite AND sober chick) in the name of stressing a religious point (fyi, both parties were Christians).

So i won't discuss the draft constitution. But i can tell you 03 things:

1) I've been reading (aaaand still reading) it in bits & pieces (in no particular order) 'coz i need to see & understand what the fuss is about. And boy, it's not the most interesting read. It reminds me of my high school days where reading & understanding Fasihi & mashairi was such a frustrating process, it made my eyes smart. Case in point:

"A person who is detained or held in custody is entitled to petition for an order of habeas corpus"

Note i don't speak a word of latin, but i do thank the power of the almighty goggle (how on earth did i ever survive without it?). when i first saw habeas corpus, i had visions of Asterix & Obelix in rome. True story.

And that's just for starters. There's also stuff like:

"...A state of emergency may be declared only under Article 132 (4) (d) and only when- "

And more points are jotted down for your perusal...Now watch me scrambling back to Article 132 'coz i can't remember what it said...There was a bloody point (d) ???! ....and to think I'm only at page 44 with roughly 164 pages (of the above) to go (sigh).

BUT I've had GREEEAT fun visualizing a perfect world where Nyamz could get away with bitch-slapping our cops with the rights of arrested persons. I swear, in my mind's eye, I can almost hear them cops shake in their boots...and if i pause just a bit then go, "BOO!" i see them keeling over in fright :-)

2) I've encountered individuals so annoying, they've made it to the top of my pet peeves list in record speed. Below were a few of my pet peeves:

http://nyamburazdiary.blogspot.com/2009_06_01_archive.html

These are the small minded individuals who walk around throwing their hate smeared two cents in the name of making a stand. What majorly pisses me about these guys is, when I calmly ask one of them to break it down for me by indicating/highlighting/underlining which bit of the clause they have a problem with, they give me a blank look then proudly announce that they have not read any portion of the current or draft constitution! But they have a problem with it because someone else has a problem with it...Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

3) We are a nation that not only dwells too much on the differences we have as people of diverse backgrounds, but also one that is yet to learn from history. Hence we're running in circles and so missing the big picture. Again.

So come on people, THINK! Even (and especially) on an individual level, paint that picture of the future with great clarity...map the road...now conjure it up to life. We can do it & it will be worth it. And people, if we don't, the joke's on us. And someone, somewhere will keep on capitalizing, laughing & toasting to our inability to move forward...evolve into something more awesome. And no, you can't blame the devil or the western world on this one.

The saddest fact is, whether we get it or not, the world and most importantly time, keeps moving on and wouldn't be bothered. It owes us nothing; it was here first.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

"Hip hip chin chin & a blessed Easter"

2010-03-31T22:43:00.000-07:00

Club Des Beluga's Hip hip chin chin is currently playing in my head and it just won't stop. You should see me do my thing; In my mind's eye no one can samba with the tushie stuck to a chair like i do. Hell, I'm actually enjoying working on a cold, wet Thursday morning...
A difficult client wants to send dastardly e-mails in red, caps & with lots of heart stopping exclamation marks? breathe...count to ten (without swearing)...hip hip chin chin...and smile.
A colleague wants to be a tool to a point of tempting me into giving her the evil eye? Just hip hip chin chin, Nyamz.

Why?

'Coz today is technically a Friday and not just your kawa Friday; we're talking of a Friday that will be followed by four days of no work, no school, no mandatory routines. OK, so I'll be working on one of those days, but I've still got three days of endless possibilities yes?

Speaking of endless possibilities, should the rains lock you indoors, do not despair or sulk. Here are some deliciously addictive samplings to accompany the hot chocolates, herbal teas, Irish coffees, khat, vodkas & brandies:

Sons of Anarchy: Some years back, i turned to and counted on Deadwood & Sopranos to take care of my appetite for addictive, nicely executed, bad ass entertainment. With both TV shows gone, i now rely on Sons of Anarchy (thanks R for dishin' it out to me). This is a show about an outlaw motorcycle club (the phrase alone has my BP shooting up by several mm Hg's) whose members are a brotherhood that is into some serious gun running and it has me hooked. Their women are just as bad ass (case in point: in one of the episodes, their matriarch, calmly picks up a skateboard, walks up to her hubby's one night stand & slams it into her face in broad daylight!) and oh, you get to feast your eyes & imagination on lots & lots of Harleys too. Need I say more?

Grey's Anatomy: So it's not exactly a new show. But i previously avoided it simply because i was tired of watching yet another medical drama. Except Grey's, is not just another medical drama and It has all the fun ingredients; A pinch of humor here & there? check. well-written dialogue, delivered just as brilliantly? check. Story lines that keep me coming back for more? check. A female lead who's strong, flawed & vulnerable? check (Meredith). Ballsy female characters that you're terrified of but hopelessly in love with? check (Cristina & Dr. Bailey a.ka The Nazi). A bad boy who makes your toes curl? check (Dr. McSteamy). Characters you love to roll your eyes at? check (George & Izzy). And of course, there's that male character (read: Dr. McDreamy) that makes the bitchiest, most hardened of us swoon. Also as a bonus, the show's got great tunes you'd want on your i pod (especially if you're into sampling cool tunes that hardly ever get main stream radio airplay). What more could a girl ask for, from 40 minutes of solid entertainment?

Vampire diaries: When they announced they'd make a Vamp show based on LJ Smith's books...i got all iffy. Don't get me wrong, the books (I've read The awakening, the struggle, the fury & the reunion) are way more sumptuous than the twilight saga. But the thing is, I'm already in love with the gloriously nutty True blood. So sampling a vamp show of the teen variety sounded more like asking someone to try the green salad when they've already sunk their teeth into nice nyam chom. BUT I'm happy to report this show ain't no green salad. The storyline is engrossing, fast paced and peppered with the creepy crawlies & cool tunes in all the right places. Elena can hold her own against nasty vampires & the other characters (the human ones, that is) are just as interesting. Then there is Damon...now that's a deliciously terrifying guy. And deliciously terrifying is goooood.

NB: For those who are into supernatural shows & think True blood is too far-out a vamp show, then vampire diaries is the vamp show for you.

***

Also try out the below book (but not while under the influence of khat or any alcoholic sippy sippies...trust me on this one)

-The Outsiders by S E Hinton: A beautifully moving story about the turf wars between two rival groups; The Greasers (the have nots) and The Socs (the haves), narrated in first person by Pony boy, a 14 yr old greaser. The book may be a YA (young adult) classic, but the book's timeless themes of friendship, hope & of social classes and the destruction such small minded distinctions bring to a society will be appreciated by older readers. For those who are into quick reads, you'll love this book 'coz the story is not tediously woven. This is a must-have on one's book shelf.

OK, back to work. Have a fab & blessed Easter all...hip hip chin chin...

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

Here's my two cents on Makmende

2010-03-28T22:36:00.000-07:00

Never underestimate the value of chilling out, my lovely people.

I'm back from my 11 day time off (ahem, time out) -where i was forbidden from thinking about bills, work, chores, medical check ups for 264 hours...human contact was optional. And all i can say is, it was beauuutiful (pronounced with a Scottish accent to better emphasize the awesomeness of it all)...

...and even at that far off realm i was vacationing in, one Makmende still found me there, like this:

Makmende goes after Hitler: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMoxdtchLLs

There is no escaping this guy. The first time i watched the Ha he vid was totally by accident (the song's funky beats kinda jump out at you when you're flipping channels). And yes, it tickled me silly (still does). But i didn't think it would talk up a storm the way it has. Hell, they're even doing prime time news features on it...

The one thing everyone regardless of age can appreciate is that the video sucks us into the forgotten world of childhood memories. And that's what makes it such a hit. For yours truly, it reminds me that before Jack Bauer, there was Rambo, Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris & Cynthia Rothrock. And we worshiped these guys coz they were soooo bad ass. Fight scenes would be re-enacted in the hood (no play station back then)...and of course, there was always that one bugger who was into conjuring up his inner Chuck Norris begging everyone to make his day...meanwhile i would be thoroughly miffed 'coz girls couldn't join in on most of the cool, boys only fun stuff (fyi, being a girl majorly sucked for me; i hated dolls coz they seriously creeped me out; i sucked at bladder, Kati was fun but playing cops n robbers? now THAT was sweeet)...

So when the Makmende storm dies down and people move on to the next fad, the one true fact is, and will always be, the video and the song are creatively done (look at how they've fired up people's imaginations). No one can ever take that away from them. Which is why during an interview, it bothered me when Dan (one of the member's of JAB) said that they chose to reach the masses via the internet 'coz everywhere else they went they were told no one knows what to do with their music. Seriously? seriously?!! We need our very own HBO powerhouse here.

I firmly believe the imagination is the final frontier...limitless. And my philosophy on creativity has always been "LET RIP!"...throw it all against the wall and see what sticks. To try forcing creativity into a familiar box so people can feel all warm & fuzzy is just sad.

I get it, the bank account bottom line is King and people do not want to risk investing in what is not tried & tested....but what about taking calculated risks on the brilliantly unfamiliar? How many young Kenyans let their creativity & talents ebb away into oblivion simply because no one (from parents, teachers to the corporate world) is gutsy enough to believe in them; in their magic and nurture them so they can reach greater heights of awesomeness? Do we run a risk of becoming a nation that lacks imagination?

Here's some food for thought from Albert Einstein:

"Imagination is more important than Knowledge. For Knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know & understand..."

The condensed version?

"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions,"

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

" And yet I still love you, you dastardly bugger"

2010-02-18T00:21:00.000-08:00

Stuff i wish i knew once upon a time about commuting in Nairobi:

-Rush hour gridlocks are a way of life. Don't burst a coronary or pull out your hair -no one cares that much darling. Take a deep breath, sit back and catch up on your reading. This is Kenya; you'll get there eventually so hakuna matata.

-Good general rule of thumb when choosing a seat in a mat:

a) Avoid taking the back seat, unless you enjoy absorbing the jarring shock of the mat hitting each & every pothole on the road. And yes, pot holes are such a norm we get all teary eyed if we encounter a smooth, non-pothole Kenyan road.

b) Avoid sitting directly in front of the speakers (or simply avoid mats that play loud music). It will leave you conversing with people like this:

Me: HABARI YA ASUBUHI

Office watchie: Mzuri madam. Kila kitu kiko sawa?

Me: (very perplexed) SWARA? SWARA AMETOKA WAPI?

(by this time the watchie is looking a touch alarmed) Needless to say, the conversation went downhill from here.

Note: The above dialogue took place approximately 10 minutes after I had alighted the mat.

c) Try your best to get a window seat. This way, you avoid getting offended by those who 1) spent the night at a brewery 2) Cologne dousing enthusiasts 3) Those who religiously view bathing as an optional activity

-Don't trust the Kenyan motorists: These guys are not content with helping you -the pedestrian- along to that heart attack as you cross the road. Nooooo, they have to make you pee in your pants just for kicks. You can establish eye contact with the driver all you want...he'll still barrel towards you, lights on & continuously honking like crazy. Only for him to be the tail end of a traffic jam a couple of feet away from you. Ever noticed the Kenyan pedestrian has this harassed look and is always scampering across the road even at Zebra crossings ?
Well, that's coz he just can't trust those darn motorists to stop when they are supposed to. Hell, I even had a mat driver wildly gesturing at me to stop so he could pass the zebra crossing first.

***

Spotted: nailed to a fence next to the cathedral in south B:
A warning sign reading "Kojoa hapa- upigwe fala"

Written across the side of a van driving along Uhuru highway
"Donkey users response team, mtunze punda akutunze"

I'm thinking, if the above team is meant to safe guard the welfare of donkeys all over Kenya shouldn't they call themselves The donkey response team? I'm just saying.

Intriguing advertising:
"Madam njoo hapa kwa mat ya ku-over lap! MAT YA KU-OVER LAP HAPA!!!" shouted a Kange during the morning rush hour.

You've got to give him props for aggressively selling that ma-three seat. And the words worked like magic; everyone at the bus stop rushed to the ma-three ya ku-over lap.

Eternally puzzled by this sticker stuck on the rear view mirrors of several route '46' nissan mats:

"Don't kiss the driver"

No offense, but every time i see this sticker, and look at the driver, I'm left wondering; Seriously? why would i want to kiss the driver?... Seriously.

The below was forwarded to my in-box:

...Only in Kenya:
where a debonair pizza gets to your house faster than an ambulance or the police
where people run towards gunshots and bomb blasts instead of running away
where we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well. 'Poli' in latin means 'many' and 'tics' means blood-sucking creature
where the president holds a press conference to declare the legit members of his family
where you find a zebra crossing directly below a foot bridge (fly over) on a busy highway
where a 01 litre bottle of mineral water is more expensive than a litre of diesel
where a lady asks you out on a date and expects you to settle the bill
where the music is turned off in a club 'coz guys are watching news
where trees have got nothing to do with the rain...rain just falls from the sky

And i added a few of my own bizarre observations:
-Where a minister publicly brags of diverting education funds in order to 'help' his people, and his audience of ordinary wanainchi cheers him on...

-Where excess milk is thrown into the gutters...

-Where kids as young as five accompany their paroes to the pub & entertain the adult audience (the parents included) by dancing like they see it in the music videos. These parents call it a family outing...

-Where churches make a killing by selling a handful of 'blessed' soil, 'holy' water & 'blessed' hankies to its congregation...

-Where a non-Kenyan contributes to the education of the Kenyan child while the wealthy Kenyan doesn't and won't be bothered...

***

(Sigh) And yet I still love you Kenya, you dastardly bugger you.

True, nothing works the way its supposed to; fads are all the rage; the nastiest hyena is king and we're slaves to status but i still have a fondness for the sights, sounds and the feel of this beautiful country.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS: What's all the fuss about this Hellon dude? My curiosity poofed the minute i laid my eyes on all that permed hair. And someone called him a spiritual adviser? Seriously?!!!

Which reminds me; my mum once told me to be wary of men who love the mirror and use beauty products more than i do. True Story.

"Life is slippery. Here, take my hand"

2010-02-09T01:03:00.000-08:00

The pirate code of the brethren had a stipulation that went something like this:

"Any man that falls behind is left behind,"

The old school pirates didn't pretend to team build, and they sure as hell didn't do friendship. I was reminded of 'the code' as i turned to the Pirates of the Caribbean movies (again) for comic relief last night. And yes, I'm one of those people who turn to the silver screen when things get combustion-tough...it keeps me sane and entertained. And the past couple of days sure have been stormy. Some 'friendships' were blown to smithereens, others rekindled, new alliances forged and new found respect emerged from unexpected quarters.

And no, i didn't come out smelling like roses. Life lessons were learnt though:

Like the importance of being clear on which friendships are real and those that are pizazz and sadly nothing else...

Friends who just talk up a humongous bonfire as you trip are not friends you'd want to have in your corner when shit hits the fan...

Real buds stick up for you when you're wrong and affectionately call you "Funda wewe," at sun up...

It's hard not to be pals with (or at the very least have new found respect for) an acquaintance who comes to your aid when he/she really didn't have to...or wasn't even asked to...

It is precious to realize and pray, that though your true-blue pals would walk to the ends of the earth and back for you, you'd never make them.

FYI: The pirate code of the brethren doesn't historically exist. Now that's a relief to us wretched souls who are prone to falling behind don't you think?

Most scary weekend encounter to date: This one has to go to the Sunday Nation piece (on 07th Feb) written by one Gitau Warigi. Dude pats Mr. Zuma on the back for keeping it real, then takes a swipe at President Obama for voicing his concerns about the government of Uganda wanting to legally execute its gay community (who, fyi, Gitau merrily calls serial sodomists). While Gitau is happily frothing at the mouth (he even gives us the quick lowdown on Obama Snr's exploits) he seems to forget the one glaring fact is, no one is shouting, "Death to Polygamists! Philanderers! and real scum of the earth!" ...Wow, sir, bet you gave yourself a hearty pat on the back for writing such an enlightening piece, didn't you sir?

Don't you all wish we'd take on issues like children's rights, health care, education and the environment with the same feverish gusto we seem to approach bedroom matters and all that's smutty?

Mr. Ayub Juma Mwakesi: Now this is a man we could learn a life lesson or two from no?

Coolest print ad to date: Orange's Valentine's Airtime ad that quips, "We can't give you the courage, but we can give you the time," Simple, to the point and it makes you smile.

Have a beautiful week all,

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS: Indulge me as i quote from one of my fave children's books:

From "The house at Pooh Corner" by A.A Milne

"Pooh, promise me you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I am a hundred."
Pooh thought for a little.
"How old shall I be then?"
"Ninety-nine."

Pooh nodded. "I promise," he said.

"The trick, is to keep breathing "

2010-01-27T22:42:00.000-08:00

A dedication to friends who are facing crappy times & those with the never-give-up spirit we draw inspiration from...

Sometimes, just sometimes, life gets to be so tough and so bad you can feel its weight on your shoulders and it almost makes your knees buckle. So i pray and sometimes I'll even call up a friend who i know will tell me to 'kaza rasa'. But almost always, i find myself muttering the below compilation of words like a mantra as i dig in and plow on.

"In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title.

Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads.

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all.

Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desire can be won.

It exists.It is real. It is possible. It is yours" from Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

***

"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the Bludgeoning of chance
my head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. - Invictus by William Ernest Henley

***

Aaaand finally, i turn to laughter; comfort food for the soul, dished out by the best of them.

"...Seriously. Jesus started the whole 'wait three days' thing. He waited THREE days to come back to life. It was perfect!
If he had only waited ONE day, alot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up?! I DIED yesterday!" and then they'd be all, "Uhh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, & how it was a miracle, & then the dude would be like "Uhh oookay, whatever you say bro..."

And he's not gonna come back on a SATURDAY. Everyone's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the exact right number of days, THREE.

Plus, it's a SUNDAY, so everyone's in church already, they're all in there "Oh no, Jesus is DEAD," then BAM! He bursts thro' the back door, runs up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. Three days. We wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait..true story..." Barney, in How i met your mother

....Suddenly, the world doesn't seem so blue; and that's the power of words ladies & gentlemen.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

"Just Imagine..."

2010-01-24T21:19:00.000-08:00

Ok, we could discuss the demerits of the 8-4-4 system till the cows come home so let's not.

But do humor me for a second & wonder; what if...just what if Kenyan Parents went the extra mile to nurture and encourage their kids to: be thinkers, creative, not shy away from hard work, appreciate cultural diversity & have a sense of responsibility towards community & the environment even if (or especially because) the 8-4-4 curriculum does not have these as its core requirements...

Now paint up a vivid world where reflective thinking, creativity, action, service & tolerance are part of the lifestyle of the Kenyan individual big or small...

...just imagine...

Speaking of imagination, last night i stumbled across some pretty awesome (not to mention) sexy 'you can do anything with your hair' ghd hair ads. Their depiction of Cinderella & red riding hood as sexy, self assured beauties was cool enough. Not to mention the two had some to-die-for kick-arse boots. But what had me grinning were the accompanying captions below:

"Cinderella's a beauty, her hair all a-curl,
no need of a prince for this stunning young girl,
she's saying goodbye to glass slippers forever,
And running away with a bloke dressed in leather"

Ok, so maybe the last bit would make my mum faint...

And my absolute fave:

"Little red riding hood, neither timid nor shy
whilst straightening her locks, a wolf she did spy
but far from fainting or running a fever,
she started to laugh and pulled out a cleaver"

And yes, there's the dead wolf in the background :-)

Don't you all just love Orange's imaginary street footie Tv commercial? I do.

Observation of the week: My sister vicky's take on Lil Wayne and i quote: "Hmmm...he'd make the perfect Kenyan kange"

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS:Currently reading: The picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde & Ink heart by Cornelia Franke

Currently watching & loving: Grey's Anatomy, Tru Blood & Vampire diaries.

Loved & added to my play list: "Down" by Jason Walker; "Try sleeping with a broken heart" by Alicia Keys; "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez

"Are you there God? It's me, Nyamz"

2010-01-07T21:18:00.000-08:00

Spiritually, I'm what you'd call a drifter; a wanderer of sorts. If you were being polite that is. You know, the kind that has set aside three Sundays in a month as sleep-in days (stepping out in daylight is optional), has probably broken-or attempted to break-half of the commandments, says bedtime prayers 'coz they feel strangely comforting and with a plan to cultivate a better relationship with God but just haven't gotten round to working on it.

Key word here being God. Not religion.

Now religion, leaves me a touch uneasy. It's been behind wars waged in the name of God, our history books are full of them. Hell, we're still at it. Religion had been used to bully, oppress and justify the lynching of those perceived by society as 'piss-poor morally' (I thought we left the judging to God no?). Put all the religions of the world together and you've got a spectacular tower of babel where everyone's shoving & seriously arse whooping the other because their way is right...

Yet despite the confusion and ugliness, i still want to know God & experience his wowness. But can i find him without religion?

Yesterday, a friend posed to me an interesting belief; you can only know God if you know Christ, anything else is just white noise. Fair enough, he believes in something and it's great. It made me wonder though. I have friends of different religious faiths and though we never pretend to understand each others beliefs, we do respect & appreciate the fact that we're all trying to find God in our own way. And the one thing we have in common is that we know there is God. We can feel his presence around us. We marvel at the everyday miracles and gifts he presents us. And some of us, even go as far as striving to immerse ourselves in the experience of his awesomeness.So, does their relationship with him amount to nothing if they don't know him through Christ? Surely, his love and grace unifies and transcends creed, tribe, gender and race...because he is the ultimate...because he is that great...

...He's got to be...i really, truly, deeply believe that....

I've got to...after all, I'm the girl who is: catholic but can't remember how to say her Hail Marys, is prone to fornicate, visit a cathedral only coz i enjoy the inner peace it gives me, swear and down a couple of tots with the intent to disturb public peace...you know, a spiritual drifter. If you were being polite that is.

And if he turns out not to be THAT great ....well, I'm basically fucked and so going to hell.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

7 things I'm grateful for this X-mas...

2009-12-22T20:58:00.000-08:00

# 7. Vodka:
For its ability to:
1. Make me believe i can dance like shakira.
2. Inspire me to play the Air guitar as i pretend to be Slash & Carlos Santana. Disturbing, i know. But totally fun
3. Bring out my inner 18th century pirate (except i have better hygiene & would probably faint at the sight of blood). And yes, in my intoxicated mind's eye I've got that swagger down pat as i enthusiastically do damage to the wallet, throat, waistline and dance floor.

# 6. The Baristas at Dormans coffee shops:
For making smooth, hit-all-the-right-spots iced cappuccinos; my drink of choice whatever the weather. Hell, once or twice maybe thrice a week, it will even make my toes curl :-)

# 5. The stupidity of mankind:
You've got wars waged & injustices committed in the name of God and peace. Greed, vanity, obsession to conform & instant gratification seem to be the in-thing in our society. Then you've got our politicians (don't you just cringe when they open their mouths?), and the hilariously silly mistakes we make as individuals.
Those are just a few classic examples of why man is such an idiot. And they call us the thinking animal. But hopefully these mistakes move us to reflect and become wiser; angry enough to make a positive difference in the world around us and others can...well, become barroom tales & legends that go a long way into making an evening at the locals LEGEN...wait for it...DARY!

# 4. Pretty cool siblings:
We don't get to choose our family. So you're pretty much stuck with what you got no? So let me brag just a smidge by declaring I've got some pretty awesome individuals for siblings. And what's even cooler, i also count them as friends.

# 3. True-blue friends:
These are the friends who inspire & challenge me to be the very best of me; those who are a rock; those who take the time to ask "How you doing?" ; those who humor me when I'm being a total arse; and those who go "Your day sucked huh? Let's have a beer..."

Guys, my prayer and hope is that i can return the favor

# 2. A job that pays the bills & then some, good health and a dose of zaniness that is just right

# 1. My mum:
When you're experiencing one of those life's lows and someone out of the blue tells you "Remember you have a place home and no body will ever take it," You KNOW you've got a priceless person in your corner. And yeah, my mum's super awesome like that...

Have a fab x-mas all.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS: I've just added Ozwald Boateng to my list of cool, inspiring people a.k.a "list of people i'd invite for dinner dead or alive". He's not only got the right kind of attitude & school of thought, but he's also a citizen of the world striving to make a positive difference.

A glimpse into the bizarre workings of the Kenyan mind....

2009-12-03T23:52:00.000-08:00

Now, during rush hour the one way fare to south B is 30 bob... the flashy mats may even charge 40 bob but majority stick with 30 bob. Off peak hours, the one way fare is 20 bob.

Last evening, the south b mats trickled in with the touts gallantly declaring "Hundred bob Mater-Hazina!"
The crowd mumbled and grumbled and the touts had a change of heart, "Seventy bob Mater-Hazina!

Now this is where any ordinary person with an ounce of good sense would have done the mental math, looked up at the clear sky to confirm if pigs were indeed flying and asked the commuter on his left "Is the town on fire & we didn't get the heads up? Ama there's a riot ?"
Commuter-on-his-left looking just as puzzled would have probably replied "I didn't hear anything. Maybe public transport has just been declared illegal and this is the last run,"

And if the answer to all of the above was no, you'd all calmly stay put and pointedly ignore the touts till they got the point. And they WOULD get the point. Business sense dictates they HAVE to get the point.

But noooo, a huge chunk of the good, hard working folks of south B scrambled into the mats like you wouldn't believe. The touts saw the mad rush, got all excited and screamed "FOOOORTTY bob kusimama!"

And more people pushed and shoved to get in, some nearly having their eyes gorged out by umbrellas and enthusiastic bony elbows. You see the way in cartoons they depict a mad brawl as this huuge chaotic cloud of dust with lots of cussing, punching, yelping & jostling sounds and all you can see are their limbs & assorted body parts sticking out? It looked something like that.The rest of us were just left braving the chilly weather waiting for the fares to come down. And they did.

Here's what i don't get.

If EACH & EVERY commuter had stayed put and refused to enter the mats, those guys would have brought the crazy fares down. Why?
We had the numbers; that stage had throngs of commuters. Those mats cannot afford to go back empty. They cannot afford to waste time either. They would have glared at us and we'd have glared back but eventually they would have backed down. We even had a Karl Max type commuter loudly trying to clue in the minority who may have been slow in reaching that logic. He practically begged them to use their common sense. It was not about the haves and have-nots. It was about someone blatantly deciding they will exploit you and banking on the fact that you will give in...

Here's some food for thought, "If poverty is the mother of crime, lack of good sense is the father," by Jean de la Bruyere.

And as Dr. Phil says, "You either get it or you don't"

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

The Clande culture

2009-11-22T20:57:00.000-08:00

Move over clutch bag and sexy peep toes.
Clandes are all the rage now (that stupid Mohawk hair style is a close second). Even our local FM radio stations are cashing in on it sounding a touch like hawkers bellowing "Ni ya leo!...Bei ya jioni ni ya leo!". If you're married and not doing it, you're not with it. It's the quick fix 'solution' to every marital problem. Why get off your arse & try to make it work when you can simply slap the clande band aid over those pesky relationship flaws & wounds?

She drools when sleeping? Get a clande...
He's gotten pudgy, sloppy & snores in bed? Get a clande...
He's become a broke arse & she doesn't look as hot? What you waiting for? Get a clande!
Your partner's gotten side tracked with the routine that is life? Get a clande...

Aaaand the circus continues to thrill & amaze with lots of clowns enthusiastically jumping in...

Clandes are not just about falling into temptation. Nope, take it a notch down; clandes are all about careful planning & allocating resources as you perfect the art of deceit on someone who's supposed to have your back; A 'loved' one. (I'd love to see what they do to enemies). It's that selfish, calculated and below the belt.

I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, if true-blue friendship was a mandatory requirement in marriage, then maybe it would make a difference in the statistics. Perhaps as friends, maybe one would care enough to try to make it work, and the respect you have for each other would make you pause as you contemplate putting your foot over that line and you'd have the comfort of knowing, even if it doesn't work, you gave it your best shot...but how practical would friendship be when:
Many women believe a man= security, the fear of being alone haunts the dreams of many, marriage is perceived to= status, we live in a society where the worth of a woman is not that much, and where some women do not see themselves as complete if their name is not preceded with a Mrs...

Then again, what would this girl know when she's merely on the outside, looking in?

Here's some food for thought in the form of a poem by Charles Bukowski

Alone with everybody:
The flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind in there
and sometimes a soul,
and the women break vases against the walls,
and the men drink too much.
and nobody finds the one but keep looking
crawling in and out of beds.

Flesh covers the bone
and the flesh searches for more than flesh

There's no chance at all:
we are all trapped by a singular fate.

Nobody ever finds the one.

The city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the grave yards fill

Nothing else fills
***

Have a fab week, beautiful people.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS: speaking of things in fashion this season; I'm i seeing my own things, or is there an unusually large number of pregnant young women in town? Hell, you wouldn't even know there's a recession on. Why get Manolos & Jimmy Choos when you can simply get a baby right?

The one without a title (a k a, my brain's numb from TV watching much)

2009-11-19T02:32:00.000-08:00

I'm i the only one who gets irritated with the put-me-to-sleep entertainment reviews on our local dailies? You pore over them and you're still left puzzled as to whether you should watch the show/movie or give it a pass. It's almost like the authors were given the type of punishment where you have to write 101 lines like we used to in school. (OK, so we never got such a punishment in school, but sometimes i wish we had coz it sure beats chopping firewood no?) I just wish they wrote with feeling; like they actually watched it (hint: if you're a guy who can't stand desperate housewives, give it to someone who can at least give us a fair picture of what to expect) instead of sounding like they just copy & paste blurbs...

BUT to be fair, they get paid for it so they HAVE to do it, which automatically becomes a buzz kill...sooo, since we'll still be major broke arses this weekend, and staying home is the most pocket friendly entertainment option, I've decided to jot down a few of my recommendations for the weekend....

# 1. Deadwood: season 1,2,3 (A collector' s item in my books)
This is not only one of my all time fave shows, but it is also one of the dirtiest and most brilliantly written. This western drama series is set in the lawless town of deadwood during the gold rush era. The corruption, politics, shady alliances and power play disturbingly remind me of present day Kenya, except we Kenyans have better personal hygiene and worry too much what people think.
The profanity (used liberally & with gusto) will leave your jaw on the floor and the characters, who range from the vile to the quirky are all unforgettable.

2 reasons why i love this show so much?

2. The plot's tight and the dialogue is sheer poetry. You're left feeling like you're watching a wild west version of a Shakespearean play (that is if Shakespeare wrote it psyched and spectacularly drunk to his eye balls) ; the showdowns between Al Swearengen (chief villain) and the Sheriff are just as dramatic and the antics of characters like calamity Jane (the town drunk) and Mr. Wu (a businessman who doesn't speak English but juas 01 lovely English swear word...and no, it doesn't start with an F) will leave you in stitches.

And my # 1 reason? One Al Swearengen: This guy takes hustling up to a whole new level. He's ruthless, highly intelligent and cunning, so much so, you find yourself grudgingly respecting & rooting for him. And why shouldn't you when he's constantly & deftly delivering (in vicious tones) philosophies like:

"...pain or damage don't end the world, or despair or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man-and give some back!"

Do I hear a liquid hallelujah everyone?

# 2. How i met your mother: season 1-5 (Also a collector's item)
Want to burst a gut laughing? this is your show. Why? because it is, simply put, LEGEN....waaaait for it...DARY!!!

# 3. Gossip girl: season 1,2,3
Fact: This is a show based on the YA book series (which i read & in my opinion, the show is sassier than the books) by the same name about a mysterious blogger who updates us on the lives of ridiculously rich, private school attending teens. (yes, the butch side in me nearly rolled my eyes at this, but its surprisingly entertaining, so don't be too quick to judge the book by its cover)

Fact: The show is a guilty pleasure teen drama (& way cooler than the adult soaps) so you're not supposed to take it too seriously. Hell, that's the whole point of guilty pleasure entertainment!!!!

Yes, i LOVE it. And yes, these teens drink, smoke, shag, manipulate, bully, and generally behave badly -yet they're still smart enough to care about not becoming losers with trust funds. The beauty of it is, It's a show that doesn't talk down to teens (i still remember how i used to hate that); it's awesomely sassy and hilariously over the top.

But why I'm I hooked to it? Because of Chuck Bass & Blair Waldorf. The 02 are superbly the nastiest, most manipulative self absorbed snobs currently on TV. Remember 48 laws of power?

Go right to law # 15: "Crush your enemy totally."

These two kids live by this law and i admit I love to watch them wreck havoc from the safety of my couch...their one redeeming quality? With Chuck & Blair as your friends, you don't need an army.

Warning: Parents will froth at the mouth over this one. But before they get into that first dry heave, let me play devil's advocate by reminding them teens have been behaving badly looong before there was gossip girl. And right now, you've got kids who lack the imagination, passion, discipline and drive to paint & realize their dreams in a world that is harsh and unforgiving. So yeah, you got bigger problems than teen shows.

Honorable mention (s): For those who love addictive, fast, no-nonsense ass-kicking, shoot 'em up kind of suspense dramas, i highly recommend 24....and there's a clock ticking...

And if you love the supernatural & the deliciously bizarre, do sample True blood. I'm currently eating up each and every episode.

But please don't just take my word for it... after all, I've been known to watch TV after having one or two (maybe three-ish?) highly suspect sippy sippies....

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS: Sesame street turned 40 yrs this month. Now that's a classic. I still love this show, and i salute KBC for introducing me to it coz it was the most creative education/entertainment combo show for kids i ever watched. I not only recommend it to kids, I'll watch it with the kids.

2009-10-12T01:11:00.000-07:00

Yes dear, the devil is in the details

I’ve never been so happy at the sight of unexpected rain (and on a Friday night) like I was on Friday. I was beyond ecstatic, then I had to spoil it by getting into a mat that had its windows jammed shut and got assaulted by hair-raising body odors that rival and topped those of a rained on he-goat. My civility poof’d and I wrinkled my nose as I gave the culprits the evil eye (yes, they were more than one. All jamaas)

I don’t get it; what is it about the basic concept of taking a shower/bath (sponge baths included) that is so hard to grasp? It’s not hard guys, really. You can do it and all you need is water and a piece of panga soap as the bare essentials. And here’s a great motivation; a great smelling dude scores major cool points with the ladies (just don’t gas everyone to death by dousing yourself in cologne)

So repeat after me:

Thou shall not be hygienically challenged

So help us God, thou shall not be hygienically challenged…

1…2…3…breathe….

Speaking of great smelling dudes, that very same Friday was sleep over night with the girls. And it was a great night except for a few date stories that had me wincing and laughing at every syllable. The below get special mention:

Tale # 1: Girl goes out on a date where the guy’s contribution to the conversation sounds like a combination of a CV to the HR and his net worth report to KRA.

Moral of this story: I’m not sure if he was being a show-off, but he came out sounding like one. And it was veeery annoying

Tale # 2: Guy asks girl out for a date. So they check their schedules and they agree Sunday would be a great day; except he goes on to add a tiny detail that it will be DURING his golfing session. Girl gapes at him and suddenly remembers she has other plans...date didn’t happen

Moral of this story: Guys, its ok even healthy to love sports. Just don’t blatantly show her that’s what’s top on your priority list on your first date. And yes, this also applies to guys who take their dates to a sports bar and make sure they have a great view of the giant screen so they won’t miss the big game.

Tale # 3: Girl is over moon that this rudge dude she’s known for a while is finally asking her out. He’s got the hot bod, and he can hold an interesting conversation…sounds like the makings of a great date right? Wrong.

Guy orders a drink for her BEFORE asking her what she drinks and it turned out to be a drink she doesn’t take. Then he sulks at the end of the evening when she announces she’s going to her digs. Alone.

Good thing, she had cab money to take herself home coz jock boy suddenly had a problem with driving her home…to date, she’s still trying to pretend the evening never happened.

Moral of this story: Where do I even start?

-This date should have been over the minute he ‘ordered’ her drink. Just ‘coz jocks seem cool doesn’t mean they’re actually cool. Give the kawa guy a chance. He may pleasantly surprise you

-A pompous self-absorbed arse is just that; a pompous self-absorbed arse.

-Smart girls DO carry enough money for the cab home and to pick up the check should he turn out to be the date from hell

Tale # 3: Guy who kept spitting as they made their way from the parking lot to the club… let’s combine this with the storo of the guy with terrible table etiquette

Moral of this story: Ewwww….ew… ew (Enough said)

Ok, so chivalry is supposed to be dead and instant gratification all the rage. But it pays to make an effort. And please do your homework. The devil after all, is in the details. And there are great guys who are getting it right, so it’s not impossible.

Saturday late afternoon: when most people were headed for the MAMAs (Kasarani looked really awesome yes?), I decided to have some grub and grog with the boys. And I came away with bits of wisdom that went something like this:

1. Ladies, the freeze n shine outfit may look hot in front of the mirror, but once you step out in the chilly weather without a jacket your level of intelligence instantly becomes highly questionable…same applies to walking in shoes that give your face the pinched look or make you wobble, or wearing a mini only to keep tagging at it in public…

2. It is possible for guys over 28 to engage in an outrageously hilarious ten minute discussion about farts (disturbing but true….and they had not even opened their 3^rd beer)

3. When you’re drinking with the boys and want to go home, DO NOT announce you’re leaving. Just go home (as discreetly as possible). Announcing is a buzz-kill of sorts that the boys will immediately rectify by sweet talking or arm twisting you into having one more beer.

4. There is no such thing as one more beer.

Disturbing images of the week that was:

#1: On prime time news; the slow-mo replay of that kid ducking as an out-of-control rally car flew over his head. It had me shouting OMG! OMG! (In kyuk)

# 2: Still on prime time news: A Pastor & his adulterous accomplice handcuffed and being escorted to the cop station. In the nude.

# 3: A huffing and puffing Nyambura attempting to prepare for the stanchart 10k run (ahem:walk) ….I’m still not sure how I got talked into that one

Hope your weekend was just as legendary.

Hera Mangeny, (as my buds of the dholuo persuasion would put it)

Nyambura

PS: All those lining up at a cinema near you to watch “Inglourious Basterds” say “Ay”

Yep, another offering from Tarantino (anyone who’s watched pulp fiction will understand why I’m obsessing) ….and don’t you just love the way Basterds rolls off your tongue? I’m in love with the word…Say, what if I said it with a Tanzanian accent…hmmm

2009-09-25T08:01:00.000-07:00

Friday afty; girl just got paid…

1500 hrs: I’ve officially rendered myself useless for the remainder of the day…

Seriously, I’ve been trying all day to sit still at my desk and be productive-and failed miserably. And no, it has nothing to do with the caffeine.

Friday is my fave day of the week; no matter how stressful it gets, the anticipation for the weekend adds an extra spring to my step. Saturdays never live up (or down) to Friday’s expectations and come Sunday I’m sobering up to the harsh reality that is Monday.

But the most awesome Friday is the last Friday of the month (also known as pay day).

Now THAT is the stuff fantasies are made of. Right now, I’m feeling rich and its a beautiful feeling. Take this morning for example. I took a mat which ended up dropping me off one stage away from my usual stop. I had to walk the rest of the way arriving at the office 15 minutes later with feet looking like I had just trekked all over Damascus. And i did it with a smile on my face. Unbelievable, i know. And the smile changed to a mellowed out grin as i drudged through the e-mails in my office in-box without cursing or gesturing like crazy (now that i think about it, it would totally explain why my colleague was giving me a funny look, like i had taken some potent sippy sippys and i'm not talking about caffeinated kind)...

And now i'm about to finish my workday with such beautiful visions of lasagna, vodka, shopping sprees, disco lights in smoke filled rooms, choma, more vodka and yours truly being oh so deliciously up-to-no-good, I’m almost giddy. Sounds like the devil’s hot on my heels laughing himself silly. I know. And he is.

So me hearties, enjoy being fiiine, do some damage and here’s to Arthur!

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS: The Guinness ‘to Arthur’ Tv commercial is beautiful in its simplicity and the magic, l feel, lies in the way it aptly reminds us why beer is one of the coolest inventions ever

2009-09-10T05:56:00.000-07:00

Of terribly awful music videos

Being cooped up home on a Thursday ‘cause of the flu has me teed off for several reasons:

1. A day off work normally = a free day spent gallivanting in and around town. My spirit is willing but thy aching, flu-ravaged flesh is screaming no

2. Our local TV stations scrapped morning cartoons which = no apt entertainment to jumpstart my mind (Looney tunes, KND, Aladdin, Batman, Sponge bob & x-men; you’re still loved and greatly missed)

3. Last night I failed to arm myself with any rental movies= ill prepared to bum out. So I’m going through my DVD collection to see which TV show I can do a marathon re-run of without falling asleep…it’s a yummy tie between ‘Deadwood’, ‘Gossip girl’ and ‘how I met your mother’

So I flip through channels as I try to figure out which of the 03 shows will be just right and pause at Kiss TV; a channel I have been strategically avoiding since it first came on air. Don’t get me wrong, I wish them all the best. I really do, but playing music videos for 24 hours is my idea of bringing hell to the living room…which brings to my attention (again) something I’m eternally puzzling over: why are most hip hop vids so dreadful?

First off, there’s the appalling imagery; is there some commandment that states “Thou shall not shoot music vids without some almost naked ladies in it…lots of almost naked ladies…who have to act like they’re fawning over some guy, and the acting has to be really terrible?”

And oh, note how while the video ladies are in string bikinis or something similar (even without a water body in sight) the guys are in oversized clothes.

I go like “Aren’t those girls freezing?!”

Sometimes I wish they’d at least pretend to be drinking something nasty (say, like cham). Coz then I can nod in understanding & mumble “Ahhh, they’ve gone & drunk themselves silly. That totally explains why they lost their clothes!”

FYI, you’ll never see the men in Speedos and fleeting shots of bare chests (of the male persuasion that is) is the smuttiest video male models/dancers will ever get….and even such shots are rare.

Then some of the lyrics leave me genuinely stumped; I get it, you’ve made it. You’re rolling in the good stuff. But seriously, is it really necessary to belt out chest-thumping 03 minute songs solely dedicated to: the big house you own; the nice car (don’t forget to add an extra line swooning over the rims) and detailed accounts of trysts you’ve had with gorgeous women?!
Last time I checked affluence doesn’t scream for attention nor does a gentleman kiss and tell. It’s just down right tacky.

And oh, that crap about putting a cap in someone’s arse or physically assaulting someone is way too crazy for me to even try & wrap my logic around it…

I guess it shouldn’t bug me much (I simply switch channels as per kawa no?) except Kenyan teenagers look up to these guys so much, like they’re gods or something...and you’ll see these videos everywhere from pubs to mats. Come on guys, if what they sing is what they are all about, then we definitely can be way cooler than they are…They've got no imagination no?

Picture this; if you bragged about your wealth like that in Kenya, you're begging thugs to happily help themselves to some of it. Shoot off your mouth about your one night stands & brawls or how you wekad someone ngeta and folks will just look at you like you’re an idiotic, juvenile sociopath at best…

On a bright note: The upside to watching such bad videos is that it makes you appreciate the genuinely good ones.
Special mention goes to 02 songs whose videos and lyrics not only made me laugh but they had my attention:
Bongo la biashara –Jua Cali and a guy called Meja (that’s his name, yes?)
Niko poa- by ‘Meja’

I’m sure there are more good ones that I’ve not had the pleasure of viewing yet (feel free to recommend some).

Now back to my dilemma; will it be:

Oh so deliciously sexy Gossip girl OR Brilliantly lawless Deadwood OR the eternally funny Bernie & co?

Methinks ‘how I met your mother’ is what the Doc would’ve prescribed.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

2009-08-22T03:00:00.000-07:00

I dream of shoe-throwers & assorted body parts

Ok, so I’ve just come up briefly for air…then its back to the rat race…

Is it just me, or has everything gotten a lot harder? I’ve always believed in digging in my heels when life’s giving you a beat down but of late I feel like too much is happening at once; no rains=no water=no electricity= no food= every basic item’s bloody expensive, throw in mismanagement of resources & the nastiest form of political narrow mindedness and it’s almost overwhelming; almost but not quite ‘cause I’ll still grit my teeth, dig in my heels and give some back. except this time round I find myself itching to throw a shoe or two at someone/something (other fashion accessories are allowed by the way). Maybe that’s what will save this country. Seriously, think about it, shoe throwing requires one to have long, gut wrenching moments of self-evaluation. And it requires one to be pissed enough to want to disturb the universe…or just a small piece of it; positively that is…surely it's got to make a difference…a good one at that…it has to right?

Speaking of accessories; of course you like the tushie a touch big, Will. Gets your imagination going doesn’t it? I know enough jamaas who’d whole heartedly agree with you on the beauty of sizeable lady body parts. Enough women are aware of this,so much so that they're going to crazy lengths to ensure their accessories/body parts are just the right attention-grabbing size...and someone's snickering all the way to the bank...

Me?

I just figure beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And there are a lot of beholders out there, all with varied perceptions…so instead of jumping into the whole whirlpool of dying to be noticed or looking like Tyra OR playing catch up & keep up, why don’t I just sit back, have a blast being beautifully subtle me and let the beholders -who'll think I’m the yummiest, coolest thing since an iced double cappuccino- come around and join the party? After all, there's just got to be a beholder(s) for each one of us out there no? So trying to be everything for everyone doesn't seem all that smart to me...

Seriously ladies, I think it should bother you A LOT if you’re taking & doing all sorts of things to make your boobies & butts look bigger just so guys can drool over you…And If some useless idiot decides I’m not cool enough coz my body parts don’t meet his expectations? Well, he can watch me walk away ‘coz he sure as hell isn’t getting any…

Quote of the week: “When the census guys come knocking, do not open your door for them. Answer their questions through the grilled window. Give them a torch if there are no lights outside. If they ask you why, tell them ‘coz my mum said so,” the loveable, one-of-a-kind Mrs. Wanjiru Kariuki, doing what she does awesomely best; being my mum. God you’ve got to love her.

Have a lovely weekend all,

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

2009-07-11T04:28:00.000-07:00

You can't keep the sun down...

It sure is bright and beautiful outside, just what we need after a week that was all grey and chilly; goes to show you that on a Saturday, you just can’t keep the good old sun down…. You should see my feet; they are almost doing a jig; girl is fiiine and in the mood to do some damage...

On my way to work this morning I realized why I love cool billboards. They have the ability to make me smile and forget I’m caught up in traffic. And there’s nothing as entertaining as an imaginative T.V commercial either. So here’s a quick rundown of a few that are currently stuck on my mind:

The “Go on…enjoy an ice cold coke billboard: The girl is sexy, and you can see the sly gleam in her eye daring you on….Damn, and if you stare at her long enough, you can almost see her winking at you….Methinks, if I ever meet the devil (& I touch wood) he’ll be hot and holding an ice cold coke…

“What men want” Nivea billboard: The “for men whose day is an action movie” is a cool, attention grabbing catch phrase. Problem is, the men on it don’t look like they are in an action movie…it looks more like skipping over rain water puddles…Forgive me, maybe I’ve been watching too much Hugh Jackman and Vin diesel. But my idea of an action movie is lots of adrenaline pumping moments. So I had hoped for some xtreme-sportish looking guys rock climbing or something OR guys looking like they’re about to kick some serious butt…c'mon, we're in Africa after all; land of ‘machismo’

Jubliee insurance’s "relax,you've got a friend" billboard: You can almost see the quiet strength of the girl as she carries -piggyback style- the sleeping kid across that green field…it is simple yet adorable and moves you. and she wears that man's shirt pretty well doesn't she?

Nivea’s “Good bye to Cellulite” TV commercial: Okay ladies, admit it, you just want to smack those beautiful cheery Nivea girls don’t you? How dare they cheekily show off their perky little tushies! The nerve!
Notice how this commercial has a tendancy of showing up between 7pm-9.30 pm, right when you’ve settled down for supper/dinner? It always zaps me right when I’m contemplating on having that second helping of mukimo. Yet perfectly sculpted tushies or not, they are too cute to hate for long…

Sprite’s “freedom from thirst” TV commercial: Absolutely awesome. You can feel that heat, visualize that pool and soak in the feeling as you jump in and shoot underwater hoops. Now that’s a powerful & beautiful mirage.

That omo runaway chicken TV commercial: first off, the first few seconds of the commercial always get me coz i can't quite figure out if its the old lady cackling or the runaway hen. My problem with it is this; during my childhood, there was no way in hell my mum would see you covered in dirt, while in your school uniform, and smile. in my days, she'd hit the roof and give you an arse whooping then she'd check you for scraped knees, elbows etc. and if you had hurt yourself, she'd give you another beat down and proceed to wash your injuries with dettol or salt water...& you wouldn't dare cry out in pain...

Other recent TV commercials I miss dearly:

I haven’t caught a big fish yet sta soft commercial
A day in pictures Nokia commercial
That hilarious Durex commercial with all those teletubby-like 'guys' acting as sperms & chasing after the girl
Safaricom’s lamu boy selling eggs to get money for phone credit
Coca cola’s first Brrr commercial
The Bamboocha Fanta Commercial
Tusker's milele commercial
The girl advertising men’s underwear commercial (that was on CNN once upon a time)

They are so many memorable commercials that have made my days some dating as far back as the '94 world cup. Maybe I should compile a list...for another day that is…

Watched MJ’s memorial service this week and all I can say is, he may have been a touch odd but he sure touched and influenced the lives of many…and we shouldn’t lose sight of that fact. I loved his songs as a kid and I still love them today but I especially loved watching his live performances. They just blew my mind away…the best bit was when he was totally caught up in the moment, and he’d stomp his feet to the beat, shaking his hands….like the rhythm was too hot to handle…totally awesome. May he rest in eternal peace.

Have a lovely weekend.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS: Hmmm…Will, I’m not sure we’re addicted to heartbreak… maybe just maybe, we just feel too much…and we’re not too good at reigning in those feelings. Hope all you had was just a ka-cold & not H1N1 bringing down its bad-hair-day woes on you.

2009-07-01T22:40:00.000-07:00

The heart of a champ boxer

So she found out the truth about her Romeo, and got her heart chewed up and spit out…
It broke my heart to watch her cry and it made me mad ‘cause she deserves someone who can love her back…I could have shared with her a thing or two maybe three on the horrors of having your heart broken, just to show her she was not alone…but I didn’t think it would help much. Instead I swore colourfully, the 18th century pirates would have been so proud.
“Sweets,” I said. “It’s his loss. You’re young and fine and someone’s going to wise up to that fact. Now, let’s go get spectacularly smashed,”

And we did.

Best advice I ever got from a friend once upon a time: “Life hands you a lemon, grab some salt & tequila and call me up,” God, I miss the priceless bugger

I think most jamaas deal with heartbreak better than us ladies…no matter how much its’ killing them, they can walk into that sunset and not look back…It’s that pride, resolve and spirit that I admire the most. Reminds me of the heart of a world champ boxer; no matter how many times love knocks you down onto your arse, you get up, spit out blood and keep coming back again and again… ‘cause you figure, sooner or later, it has to get tired and you’ll have your moment no?

Food for thought:
Last night I was watching re-runs of One Tree Hill’s Season 3 (it’s a beautifully awesome show; I never mind watching it over and over again). The below dialogue got stuck in my head

Hailey: When did we start letting boys dictate our happiness?
Brooke: I was nine.

Bizarre statements of the week:
“…this is a mild case…hata haijauwa watu wengi,” quips our very own Beth Mugo as she reassures Kenyans that Swine Flu is not scary. Note the special relationship between mild and haijauwa watu wengi…Now sit back and envision the ‘calm’ these words will bring to us humble Kenyans…

But Alfred Mutua was not to be outdone, “….Muthaura has not gone on leave for over 10 yrs...i told him, maybe God is telling him to go on leave...,” I’m still trying to digest this one…feels like I’m digesting rocks.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

PS: Will press, thanks. I’m still taking baby steps on the writing thing…and so far it’s fun. I checked out your blog and its legendary’. I felt like I had followed the white rabbit and fallen into this cool rabbit-hole…

2009-06-26T00:54:00.000-07:00

A quick coffee break...

…just re-surfacing briefly from the rat race with that all too familiar battered feeling…

It’s a real dog fight, the rat race; you roll up your sleeves, dig in your heels, spit in your hands and get to work….but that’s the easy part I think. It’s the glaring eyes burning into your back and gleeful whispers speculating your down fall you’ve got to look out for…and its’ the fine line between keeping the powers that be happy and absolutely refusing to kiss arse that’s the real science…and please don’t forget to smile…Now that’s the real work.

Never underestimate the power of the almighty pay-check. Someone once put it so aptly; JOB=journey of the broke. Yet in all the murk, there are flashes of sunlight; beautiful moments where you’re totally caught up in what you’re doing... enjoying it…even under pressure; cussing and gesturing like crazy…it still gives you a rush…

Of peculiarities and pet peeves:

A few pet peeves:
Drivers who refuse to give way to pedestrians only to screech to a halt a few feet away;becoming the tail end of Nairobi’s infamous gridlock...you ever noticed how Kenyan pedestrians scrurry across the roads? We just can't trust those darn motorists to stay put...and why on earth do they insist on hooting at us when we've already seen you?...

Kenyan politicians…Mutahi Ngunyi sure got it right; they truly are THE cream of political crap…

Men who shove and elbow away women as they hurry to get on or off a matatu

People who have a strange aversion to baths & showers yet insist on taking public transport

Parents who comfortably occupy a seat in a matatu but make their kids stand through out the entire bone jarring journey...

Our own Adam magazine’s identity phrase “Men first”: Don’t get me wrong…I DO read the occasional issue, and I sometimes do stumble across some pretty cool pieces (special mention: the history of the pig war)….but who on earth came up with the “men first” phrase? First at what exactly? Being served at the table? First at being an arse? A great thinker or leader perhaps? See? It’s already leading down to some very bad possibilities and it sounds a touch juvenile...I sure hope the phrase doesn’t sum up the Kenyan male, ‘cause then we’re in big trouble… Now GQ’s “look sharp, live smart”? that’s pretty cool…

Peculiar: Ever noticed some Kenyan herbal ‘doctors’ have the strange habit of nailing up their advertisements & contacts to a tree? And they have curious names like Dr. Babu, Dr. Swaleh, Dr. Ali, Dr. Mamy; all promising to heal all sorts of ailments including bad luck, marital problems, and broken hearts…and I think it’s supposed to be a plus for them if they indicate in their credentials that they come from Tanzania…

Most peculiar: Okay, everyone loves a freebie….but Kenyans? We’ve taken it up to a whole new level…freebies and instant gratification are all the rage in our society. Hell; most companies and businesses are raking in the profits based on this simple but disturbing fact…

On a lighter note: Currently, the one show (with the exception of how I met your mother of course) I love being addicted to is HBO’s True Blood….it’s been a long while since I sunk my teeth into an interesting vampire story. And True blood is that & more; it refuses to meekly fit in with the rest of the vamp shows. The human characters are crazier & scarier than the vampires and in true HBO fashion, it is sexy and oh so boldly weird, I can’t help loving it….

And the opening theme song “Bad things” by Jace Everett is totally spooky…just have to get my hands on season 2…

Ok, I've got to go back…
Confirmed I’m still in one piece? Check.
No fleas? Check.
Taken a deep breath? Check.

Mob wendos,

Nyambura

Sikamoo...and of a fleeting thought or two...

2009-04-02T00:27:00.000-07:00

I’m totally thrilled to have a diary of my own (finally). Now I have a place to record my own thoughts, which I’ve just realized it’s something I need to do and so far it feels good; sort of like the feeling I get when I take that first cup of coffee in the morning…..

Warning: Vomit zone; proceed with caution: Today, I break the rule of not discussing or even thinking about the sick joke that is Kenyan Politics ‘coz it’s reached a point I just have to vent…no, scratch that...I just have to vomit by the bucketfuls . I mean seriously, from which man-hole did these guys crawl out of?

We’ve got a PM who is making noise at the fact that he doesn’t want to get the same salary as that of the VP, and at a time when there are Kenyans who have nothing to eat…

We’ve got a VP who scolds the media for focusing on the negative aspects of the government and I’m like “Hey, dude, what exactly have you guys been doing that is so positive? What are we missing?” What has the government done to cushion Kenyans from the recession? What has the Government done ensure its citizens stop dying of hunger? What has the government done to empower small scale farmers & businesses which form the backbone of our economy? What is the government doing to ensure children get quality and affordable education?

We ‘beautify’ our big city in the name of vision 2030 (I break out in hives every time I hear this phrase) yet Nairobians, let alone Kenyans still have no access to something as basic as clean water…

And all of the above is just for breakfast. They’re still dishing out something off-putting and unpalatable for brunch, lunch, high tea, and dinner.

A most disturbing fact: We Kenyans, voted them in. They used the same old song and dance to woo us voters, and we fell for it all over again…well, maybe not all of us Kenyans, but just enough to let them in; which leaves me eternally puzzling over the mindset of Kenyans…

Sunny thoughts: Last night I watched how I met your mother; the episode where Lilly temporarily moves into Bernie’s apartment and it had me busting a gut thanks to Bernie. I just love Bernie to bits (don’t we all?). No matter how bad my day has been, watching him pull off his hilarious out-of –this- world antics and sublime quips, always raises my spirits…Methinks I’ll put him on the same pedestal Capt. Jack Sparrow is eternally on…I can hardly wait for next Wednesday to come round…

Mob wendos,

Nyambura